Amy and the Ogre
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 42855
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Amy burst into frantic screaming at the sight of the towering ogre
looming over her. “Good day to you too,” the hulking, threadbare ogre remarked in a crisp, refined accent. “I can understand your fright. Indeed, I am going to eat you. But I don’t think that’s any reason for us not to get formally acquainted with each other. My name is Doug. And yours?” “Amy,” she squeaked pitifully. “Please don’t eat me, Mr. Ogre.”“Well, you’re very polite, I’ll grant you that. But I’m afraid there’s no stopping the inevitable. I’m an ogre, as you’ve astutely noted, and ogres eat humans. Well...we eat just about anything. But humans are a rare treat.” “But I’m so scrawny,” Amy tactfully indicated. “And stringy. And I’ll give you horrible heartburn!”“Aren’t you just adorable! You humans are so cute when you plead for your lives. So Amy, do you have any hobbies?” “Yes, lots!” Amy replied. “My favorite one is not being eaten by ogres. I also enjoy long walks on the beach, spending time with my friends, and...did I mention not getting eaten up by ogres? That’s the best one. You see, I’m a med student from another world. My head is full of sorts of knowledge. Do you have anything ailing you at the moment?”The ogre looked delighted. “Mmm, a student, you say? I bet your brain is big and juicy! Yum yum, in my tum! But now that you mention it, I have this queer lump in my throat...” He pointed to a discolored spot on his large, green neck. “It’s a little troubling, to be sure.” “Great!” Amy said, before retracting her apparent glee at the ogre’s predicament. “I mean, I can help you with that! I’m real useful when I’m not being digested in your stomach.”The ogre looked thoughtful as it considered Amy’s offer. “But I’m ever so hungry,” he countered. “Couldn’t you help me with my problem first, and then be eaten? Wouldn’t that work?” Amy firmly refused.“Drat. Well, do you think it’s anything serious? My lump, that is. I really, really want to eat you. If I ignore it, won’t it just go away?” Amy shook her head. “Nope. It could be very serious, in fact. The temporary discomfort of an empty belly is inconsequential compared to the outcome of you not getting that thing checked out and dealt with. Now, if you were to let me down and allow me to examine it, I’d be more than happy to help you. But part of the deal is going to mean that you don’t eat me.”“Can’t I just eat a little bit of you? Like your legs, or something? Wouldn’t that work?” “Nope. I must remain entirely intact.”
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Lost Soldier
6/14/2004 2:56:30 PM
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