An Uninspired Episode, Typical of the Author (With an option list that's just shamelessly lazy)
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 40420
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Unfortunately, medieval Lords weren’t especially known for their
literacy. Fred could hardly spell his own name, let alone decipher an
arcane text on ‘How to Score with Chicks, a Guide for the Modern Creepy
Old Necromancer’. So, in his frustration, he heaved the tome into the
great bonfire that warmed Belboz’s chamber. The fighting stopped. Belboz blinked several times. “Why did you do that!?” “Um,” answered Fred as best he could. “I couldn’t think of anything better to do. What with you two going at it and all...”“You...you ruined my book!” the necromancer gasped. “That was completely uncalled for! Now how am I going to get any!?” “Any what?”“You know...any!” “Any pudding?”The old man’s face was beginning to redden. “No, you buffoon! Any action! How am I going to impress the ladies!?” “Oooooh. Well, you could try to get out in the sunshine and get a tan, I suppose. I’m sure lurking in these caves isn’t the healthiest lifestyle. The pale look of death isn’t really attractive. Get a shave, take a bath, you know...that sort of thing.”Belboz produced some writing materials from beneath the many creases of his robe and began scratching away at a notepad furiously. “Go on,” he insisted. “I’m all ears.” “That’s really all I got,” Fred admitted. “Having lots of money never hurts either, I guess. And possessing a noble lineage, like I myself do, helps. In a way. Although the horrible deformities caused by the rampant inbreeding...”“And what if I were to take over the world, becoming an omnipotent force of evil?” “Err...yes, I...guess that’d work too...”Belboz scratched his chin. “And yet you would slay the very dragon that would be the tool to my glorious rise to power!” “Well that’s one way to look at it. Another way would be...”“I’ve heard enough,” Belboz proclaimed. “I’m afraid I can’t let anything or anyone stand in the way of my scheme. I’m not going to let you kill my dragon.” The sprite, who’d remained silent, coughed. “Our dragon!”Belboz swatted at the little life form, where it fluttered around his head in an obvious attempt to annoy the old man. “Quiet, you!” “No, you dim-witted dunderhead!” the little creature screamed. “I won’t let you go through with your despicable plot! As a sprite, it’s against my code of ethics!”“Need I remind you it was I who cursed you to your present form, little one!” Belboz replied in a threatening tone. “You’re nothing but a cheap rip-off of a sprite!” “Kind of like Sierra Mist?” asked Fred, innocently.All went quiet again. Both the necromancer and the sprite peered at him with quizzical looks on their faces.
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Lost Soldier
3/29/2004 2:56:11 PM
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