The Secret Affair of Sir Toby

"You are trying to sow discontent by your choice of question, and of your choice of words. An affair can have many meanings, from an innocent event to the most vile action. You were trying to imply that the Queen's virtue is in question, and that hoping that we would spread this poison. I shall not be a part of it. I shall explain the riddle of the 'affair' with Sir Toby."

Sir Toby, a captain of the royal navy, visited the court two years ago to pay homage to his lord, the Duke of Collins, while the latter was at King Emry's court. Sir Toby was much in demand, for he told many fine mariner's tales, lively ones of the monsters and fabulous incidents of his voyages of the High Seas. He told wild tales, of the Dread Pirate Lots and his chaotic career, of the crafty Rift, of the ghoulish rituals of Belboz the Necromancer, and of the luxury of the court of Gilder of Hespan. He told us tales of elves, dwarves, ogres, harpies, and misshapen beasts, half-man, half-animal. For three days the lords of the realm listened, greatly amused.

"But on the fourth day he went too far, stretching the bounds of credulity, as mariners and travelers tend to do. In a secret audience with the King, the Queen, the Duke of Collins, and myself, who was on an errand from my father, the Duke of Suffex, Sir Toby prattled out a crude tale of the people of an impossible land. These people worshipped oracles that they had fastened to their wrists, that they would consult throughout the day, so that they could perform their actions at a propritious time. They would ride little dragons everywhere. These dragons would drink masses of a foul and poisonous potion, and in return, the dragons would take their masters almost anywhere that there was not a great sea. And if there were a great sea, these people would allow themselves to be eaten by great flying rocs that drank a similar poisonous potion, only to be disgorged unharmed after the rocs had landed. The dragons were so numerous that sometimes their masters would sit for hours, waiting for the dragons to move across the hills and fields of the land."

"The Queen laughed, and declared, 'Sir Toby, that is quite enough. Your stories are amusing, but we want to hear about your travels."

"But my lady, what I say is true."

Queen Sovay would not tolerate such impudence, and had the hapless Sir Toby banished from the court. Sir Toby composed a ballard of lament, which delighted the Queen so much that she allowed him back for one more evening's entertainment, where Sir Toby recited statistics about the wine and wool production in the Ryngaerd. In court circles, the whole matter was referred to as the Secret Affair of Sir Toby. It was a topic of lively debate amongst the courtiers for weeks, with the court evenly divided on the topic of whether Sir Toby's wild tales were deliberately saucy or just naively foolish.

"So one may honestly say that the Queen had had a secret affair of sorts, but I assure you all, her virtue is the equal to that of any soveriegn in this world."

"Lord Fred, for whatever it is worth, I would agree that the Queen's virtue is on a par with that of the other sovereigns of this world."

"There is something wrong with that answer ..." mused Astra.

"Excuse me?" said Fred, surprised.

1. "The second carriage was headed east, not north. As the eagle flies, there would be less than ten league's distance. I think that the answer to the first question is closer to half past three on the sundial."
2. "I think that Dragon mentioned an affair with Sir Toby, not an affair of Sir Toby. I am afraid that your interpretation would not stand in a court of law, Fred."

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