Audience with Satan

"Not much," Satan complains. "Everything is falling apart."

"What is falling apart?" Fred asks.

"Everything all eternity. There was this stupid warrior Fred, he was the only one who could ever hope to defeat the dragon. And now that Fred died, there is no hope for mankind. Everyone will die, and without people, concepts such as heaven and hell won't exist anymore."

Huh, I can use this to my advantage, Fred thinks and begins to speak. "What happened to this Fred character?"

"Oh. He was a really nice guy and probably ended in heaven. Which is the problem. God refuses outright to return people to life, because if they return, it means he was wrong about their death. And God is never wrong now is he."

"But you could return him if he was to end in hell?"

"Yup," the devil says. "Why this interest?"

Fred replies

1. "Oh nothing, I'll let you get back to your drinking."
2. "I am Fred. I knew I chose forever damnation in hell for a reason."
3. "Snap out of it Satan, we need you focused if we're gonna stop the end of the world."
4. by running away like a girl (like you didn't see this option coming, has Fred ever not had the opportunity to run away?)

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