Back at the Pearly Gates

He turned to Fred. "When someone has been granted admission into Heaven it is expected that they will go there, not that they will go gallivanting off, first to Hell and then to Purgatory."

Then he turned to Astra. "And as for you, young lady, words almost fail me. If Satan should happen to need overthrowing, that is a job for Saint Michael and the rest of the Archangels, not for you."

"But Satan had taken over Purgatory and no-one was doing anything," Astra objected.

"'The Lord moves in a mysterious way, his wonders to perform,'" Peter quoted. "Just because nothing appeared to be happening, didn't mean that nothing was happening. All will be restored to normal very shortly, I can assure you. Just what did you think that you could achieve against Satan and his horde of demons anyway? You were outmatched."

"Not necessarily. In a recent poll, four out of seven demons said that they would support me against Satan."

Saint Peter rolled his eyes. This luridly dressed young woman was impossible. Didn't she realise that you couldn't trust the word of a demon?

1. "You'll have to go back to Hell," he said. "Now just a minute..." Fred objected.
2. "I can't send you back to Hell now," he said. "Satan won't have you. You don't qualify for Heaven, and as a non-believer you can't go to Purgatory either. I'm going to have to return you to Earth."

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