"Do you have any other positions vacant besides barmaid and pole-dancer?
I'd be well qualified to be a bouncer, for instance." "Yes, your boobs certainly do bounce," Phil remarked, nibbling at his cake like some kind of rodent. "That's why you'd be good for this position, my dear. You'd also get to meet all kinds of interesting folk." "Like me," added Ben Grimm, breaking his silence."Exactly," Lil squeeked in her delightfuly shrill voice. "But I think maybe she meant 'bouncer' like that man in colorful chainmail who used to bounce around the inn like a bunny on pcp. He was actually never on the payroll, though, so there's not much we can do for you if you're fond of bouncing..." "No, you morons!" Astra exclaimed, her voice echoing her frustration. "Don't you have security around here!?""We're all quite secure," Will nodded. "IDIOTS!" she boomed. "You are all a bunch of blithering idiots!""Actually..." Phil stammered, turning to Will with a sheepish, almost pitiful look on his face. "I've been insecure my whole life." Both Will and Lil jolted out of their chairs in surprise. Velus yelped and collasped to the ground. Everyone had always thought Phil the most personally secure of the entire lot at the Enterprising Inn. "How can this be!?" Will howled in disbelief.Phil began to recount his entire life story to his attentive audience. It was a bitter-sweet story, as every human's life surely is, but remarkable in it's own way. Will and Lil, who had thought they knew Phil down to the last detail, were blown away by the untold chapters of his multi- dimensional existance. The rest of the people, to whom the story entire was completely new, seemed hypnotized and transfixed by his every honest word. At the end he turned to face Astra, who was sulking in a nearby corner, her back turned. "Thank you, Astra," he gushed tearfully. "If it weren't for you I wouldn't have found the courage to finally accept myself for who I am. I'm done living a masquerade.""Great," Astra said flatly to the wall. "Glad I could help. Really." She was wondering if even Mr M would make her stay here in loonyland worthwhile. When realities overlapped, this must be the disasterous consequence. She was beginning to regret having ever been rescued by the presumptuous Allarian nobleman and encountering that stupid, horny, mangy, flea-infested mut called Velus. Sure, they had seemed nice enough at first, but Fred was a jerk and Velus was just plain overrated and smelly. Well, Fred smelt ripe too. Fogeno wasn't all too fresh either.
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4/22/2003 8:43:33 PM
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