UltimateChulaShowdown

"Ha Ha! Thought you could beat me, huh punk," said Chulamon "time to go go to a better place!"

It advanced upon the boy, who looked up at it in fear. Elashi closed her eyes, she couldn't bear to see the inevitable. Then suddenly she remembered the Power she had been taught. It was like a dream, or some half-forgotten monochrome memory from her past, when she had been found by Priests and brought up at the temple. Again she saw Chubashigon, the Head Priest, and heard him say "Elashi, you have the Gift. One day, a new Ravage will come to our world, worse than the first. It will be a Ravage brought about by tiny holes in the fabric of space/time, bringing strange and unpredictable forces to our world. But you, Elashi, you will have the power to control these forces and call forth your own. There are no set ways to use this power, as each time is different. In time of need, it will come to you."

Suddenly Elashi knew exactly what she had to do. She raised her head and in a clear voice yelled out "Mr. Sparkle, I summon you!"

There was a bweep and Mr. Sparkle appeared! For those not in the know, Mr. Sparkle is a brand of Japanese dishwashing detergent, and its mascot, Mr. Sparkle himself, looks exactly like Homer Simpson's disembodied floating head.

"I am disrespectful to dirt!" Mr. Sparkle screamed at the top of his lungs. He moved toward Chulamon, but two beastmen blocked his path. "Get out of my way! This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?!"

"What a brave corporate logo!" said a beastman. "I am now completely turned on. I accept the challenge of Mr. Sparkle!"

"He's so dreamy!!" some teenage beastgirls swooned "What a hunk!!"

"Haa-yah!" yelled Mr. Sparkle, and hovered over the beastmen, sprinkling them with magic dust to transform them into Sumo Beastmen. "Mr. Sparkle comes with money back guarantee! Can you find a better deal?!"

The transformed beastmen quickly surrounded the Bird of Chulamon. "Traitors!" the Bird sneered. As the Sumo Beastmen attacked, it fought back with beak and claw, tossing the beastmen aside in an orgiastic display of carnage. "Help us, Mr. Sparkle!" groaned an injured beastman. "He is much too ultimately powerful!"

"Fool!" Mr. Sparkle yelled at Chulamon. "I use power of macho businessman donkey wrestler! Prepare to be vanquished, communist fierce turkey! Haaa-yah!"

He sprayed Chulamon down with Mr. Sparkle dishwashing detergent. The stuff clogged Chulamon's pores, and the gigantic Bird began to crackle with megalectricity. "AAAARGH!!!" screamed Chulamon as it exploded, landing in charred metallic husks all over the killing field.

The little boy had freed Val, Chuc, Fredric and Elashi at that point. "Wait a minute!" Chuc said, approaching Chulamon's severed head. "This wasn't Chulamon at all! It was..."

He pulled off Chulamon's head's mask, and everyone gasped "PsychoSkyGunner!!!"

"That's right, it was me all along." PsychoSkyGunner said. "And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!"

"And, thanks to Mr. Sparkle dishwashing detergent!" Fredric said as two burly, red-headed Story Cops materialized. "For the ultimate clean!"

"But why, PsychoSkyGunner?" Elashi cried. "Why?!"

"Well, in my defense," PsychoSkyGunner said "I didn't actually eat all those people. You see, the ChulaBot's core was a powerful teleportation device that sent troubled Addventure characters to better storylines. That's why I did it - to protect you from yourselves!"

"Sure ya did, ya bloody hooligan, sure ya did." a Story Cop said in an Irish accent, dragging the rogue Author to his feet. "Just look at how nice this thread is that ya started! Now off ya go now, off ya go."

"I'll be back on the streets in 24 hours." PsychoSkyGunner threatened as he was taken away. The beastmen got busy worshipping their new God, and Val got busy cracking Chuc and Fredric's heads together. Elashi spoke with the Digi-Destined.

"I guess he wasn't really Chulamon." the boy sighed. "I'll just have to keep searching."

"Why don't you come with us?" Elashi said. "We're searching these islands too, looking for the Dragon's Cave."

"Hey, that's a great idea." the boy said. "We can be a team! My name is Sword. Sword Watakizashi."

"I'm Elashi Benning." Elashi said. "And those three are Chuc Broeder, Fredric Hannair and Val Yatskina. Um... they're probably not very good role models for you, Sword."

"Say Uncle! Say Uncle!" Val was yelling, grinding Chuc and Fredric's faces into the dirt.

"Well..." said Sword Watakizashi. "The important thing is that we all learned a lesson here today."

"Yeah!" Elashi said. "A lesson... I sure learned mine! Um... what lesson was it again?"

The lead beastman approached, slow and ponderous in his sumo wrestler form. Now in a Japanese accent, he spoke "I am so sorry for the misunderstanding earlier. Please accept my apology, and join us for a grand feast in honor of Mr. Sparkle!"

Val said:

1. "Sure! I just can't say no to a good meal."
2. "Sorry, but we've gotta run. There's treasure to be found!"
3. "Ha Ha! Now I will avenge my earlier humiliation! Prepare to die, Mr. Sparkle!"

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