Standard Operating Procedures Uncovered

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 22804

"Susan!" Mr. Big gushes, coming up to her, "How's our newest model?"

"A little disoriented," she mutters under her breath, "but getting better...I think..."

"Well, that's to be expected, deary,"he replies with a wide grin, "try not to think toohard. You'll adjust soon enough, and then we can put you to work!"

Fred...er, Susan is delighted. What an honor to actually work for this charismatic leader!

"Until then," the gnome continues, "you'll be put in the stables with the others. I swear by the Elementals, Boron doesn't have an original bone in his body! I thought this time he might give me something exotic. Like a Siren...or a Mermaid, you know? Well, nevermind all that. Go get your rest, Susan."

Susan is still a little perplexed by all of this. "Susan...yes, that's my name," she assures herself. "But...who are the 'others'?"

"What did I say about thinking!" Mr. Big scolds, stomping his feet and raising a hand as if he means to backhand her. "You'll fit in there, believe me! Boron seems to thrive off of monotony. You know, Aqualarian Foundries sells other products besides horseshoes! I ask for creativity and he gives me another bloody centaur. At least you're a fresh victim...uh, I mean, face."

Susan is embarrassed by her own behavior, and she lowers her head in shame. "I'll try not to think," she pledges. "It's all so confusing..."



Life in the stables is good. The hay's fresh and green. She's groomed and pedicured daily. Often she's given leave to run in the fair pastures with the other centaurs and assorted exotic creatures, a truly exhilarating feeling. Things slowly come together and begin to make sense, and it seemed the less she thinks, the better. Thinking just complicates things...

And then the day of the photo shoot comes, the day she had been waiting for! She knew ahead of time that for some strange reason all those who went for photo shoots never returned. It was rumored amongst the other Models that once the photo shoot was done you would retire to everlasting Paradise alongside Mr. Big himself! How exciting!



"We've got a big problem."

This couldn't be good. It never is when Boron puts it so bluntly. If the brute said there's a problem...there's a problem.

Mr. Big extinguishes his cigar and seats himself at his plush little chair. "What is it this time, Boron?"

"It's those damn annoying Centaur Rights people, their picketing outside the offices!"

Mr. Big is damned by this information. "I'll be damned!" he curses. "What do they expect!? We must maintain a constant influx of fresh new victims...uh, faces! I mean faces! Why do I always get those two words confused? And after we're done with the old Models we have to make room for the new! So what if we grind them into dog food after their usefulness is exhausted!? Who cares!? It's all perfectly 'legal', as long as the international public doesn't catch on. So how did they know about our trade secrets?”

Boron fidgets and hesitates, which is also never a good sign. “Well, you see, sir...seems someone got a hidden camera into the Model holding pens."

"SOMEONE!?"

"A private investigator from Suffex, sent here to investigate a Duke's missing son...you know who..."

"Oh, great! Give me the full damage report..."

"They didn't actually find any connection between us and the missing Allarian Lord, but they did uncover the way we treat our exotic models..."

Mr. Big sighs. "So now the Aqualarian government doesn't want to show any sign of support or pre-existing knowledge of our efficient operating procedures. Guess we'll have to either appease or destroy the mob, or both...but how...aha! I know!" A little light bulb above Mr. Big's head brightens as he formulates a plan. "Turn that back off, Boron, you're wasting electricity," he gripes.

"Oh, sorry, sir. Thought you might need a little light, it's getting dark in here."

"Well, you dont pay the utility bill, do you? Here's what we'll do; first of all, who do we have on the list for shoots today?"

Boron scans the list of mostly checked names. "There's only one more scheduled for today," he replies. "Susan the Centaur, 3 o'clock photo shoot for the AF Pegasus All-Terrain Horseshoe. Ironic, she’s the very Lord from Suffex the Duke is looking for."

Mr. Big nods, the wheels in his head turning. "When we're done with the broad, we'll let her go. We'll strap explosives to her and send her into the crowd. Should be a good show."

"And how are we going to explain the hidden camera footage to the international community? Word is sure to spread fast, and Dragon Enterprises hates to tarnish it’s reputation...anymore than it has been..."

"Leave that to me."

  1. Meanwhile, Susan prepares for her moment of glory: the photo shoot!
  2. Elsewhere, in an unrelated story, someone does something.

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12/1/2002 9:42:11 PM

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