In the Office of the Enemy

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 22794

Mr. Big is a gnome about 100 centimeters high, with a tall red conical cap to give others the impression that he is much taller. The little man (in the office, not the painting) falls backwards off of his plush leather chair and hits the cold, hard ground with a most gruesome gasp as the air is forced from his lungs upon impact. His cigar is flung away during the ordeal, rolling over to some curtains...that are now smoldering.

He jumps to his feet, and from out of his garish clothing he pulls a strange device. Someone from the modern day would say that it looks rather like a crude firearm, as it has a trigger and a barrel. However the barrel is not cylindrical but is shaped like a cone, with the wider end - at the far end from the trigger - being some two inches across. The barrel is about five inches in length.

Apart from primitive siege engines, used by armies to fire cannonballs at castle walls (when the barrel doesn't explode instead), Fred has never seen a firearm. Therefore he doesn't recognize the gnome's device as such, and he isn't unduly alarmed when the gnome points it at him.

"Stick em, up!" Mr. Big exclaims, his shaky finger on the trigger. "I'll blow you to bits, see? Ya, that's right! So don't try nothin' stupid!"

Fred hesitates. It is a well known fact that gnomes, the little race of men who are both adapt in the arts of magic and science, are found of and proficient with clever and high-tech devices. Then he notices the smoking curtains behind the gnome. "Oh no," he says, "look behind you!"

Mr. Big doesn't heed the warning, thinking it a trick. "Oh, a wise guy, eh!?" he sneers, continuing to brandish his firearm. "I aint falling for that ol'..." sniff sniff "...hey, what's that smell..."

"I tried to warn you!"

"FIRE! FIRE!" Mr. Big cries, flailing his arms about pitifully. "Well, don't just stand there, you big oaf! PUT IT OUT!"

Fred rushes over to the gnome's aid and stomps out the fire with his encumbersome sandals. Satisfied that every burning ember has been stomped out, Fred turns his attention back to the gnome (who is still pointing the firearm at him). He unfolds the Weapons Monthly and shows the little executive the offensive AF Pegasus Horseshoe add. Underneath the add he has highlighted the ominous portion of text that reads:"A wholly owned subsidiary of The Dragon Enterprises, LLC."

"So what!?" Mr. Big replies. "Business is business is business is business! Truth be told, half of the corporations in your own country are in bed with the Dragon! It's just good business!"

"It's evilness! You are spreading the Dragon's influence on society and you know it! You're exploiting people in the same way the Dragon does, and that makes you one and the same with it. I'm afraid I'm going to have to smite you."

  1. Just then, the advertising agent who led Fred to Mr Big's office enters with several more security guards...
  2. Mr. Big laughs in the face of Fred's threat. "Go ahead and try it!" he prompts.

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Ib (I admit, I had to look up the word perfidious in the dictionary myself!) (excerpts from 19233 (JH))

12/1/2002 12:33:00 PM

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