Lord Fred vs. Weapons Monthly
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 22724
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With firm resolve, Fred decides that he'll make the journey to Hespan to
confront these lowlifes face to face! He'll hack their upper management to
bits! Their shameless exploitation of troubled youths to push their
insidious and subversive agenda could not be tolerated! To do business
with Dragon Enterprises, LLC was only confirmation that the three month
war with Hespan (technically begun over a disagreement about whether goat
cheese manufacture was a bona fide trade secret or not) was indeed an evil
empire! Several months later, after covert travels through a number of adjacent independent duchies and after having to run from three rather odd-looking ape beasts while in Haunt, he arrived at the border of Hespan. After forging a river, decapitating a few sleeping borderguards (war is hell), and bumming a ride with a local hay merchant, he finds himself at the headquarters of Weapons Monthly. Dressed inconspicuously as an accountant (he had the fortune of bumping into one at the local Mare's Bar & Grill) but still wearing his armor under the mathematician's garb, he enters the main lobby. After not being approached by anyone, not a guard, secretary, or even janitor, he makes his way to the grand staircase. At its base is a kiosk delineating the purposes of the many offices within this great complex of a building. He notes the offices of Sales & Accounts, of Marketing & Propaganda, of Bribery & Law Relations, finally he sees the Editors Office. Noting the floor and number, and with the same copy of the Weapons Monthly Magazine still in hand, Fred boldly climbs the stairs and approaches the elderly secretary seated at the main desk before the offices. This is a bold task not because he’s about to take on a major corporation, but because walking around in Allarian chainmail hidden under the pants, shirt, vest, tie and robe of a Hespan accountant is proving harder than Fred thought it would be. "Can I help you?" she asks cheerily, putting down a coffee mug and setting aside a pile of papers she was previously intent on. Fred was so intent on his subterfuge and impending attack that he failed to notice that she wasn't speaking to him. She was, in fact, speaking to the thin man with thick spectacles on his face who was standing to the right. Fred realized that he would have to wait his turn before the attack could begin. "I'd like to submit an article for publication," said the man. "Have you sold before?" asked the secretary. "A few myths and a fable or two." "Any big publications?" "Pretty big." "How about the Bible, ever sold a piece to the Bible?" Fred noted the surprised look on the face of the man, Fred had never heard of any Bible, he figured it was a foreign publication. The man, however, knew exactly what she was referring to. He first turned right, then left, then looked at the ceiling. "Okay... where are the candid cameras?"
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1/5/2003 11:11:36 AM
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