The King and the 'K'on man

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 1486

Fred began by amassing all the peasants in Hell into a group. Over the course of years, centuries even, millenia, he honed them into a lean, mean, ass kicking machine. Over the thousands of years of training, a lot had changed. Hell had become a proletariate. Satan had been placed under house arrest. Chinese food became the new burger. Disco came back.

One thing did not change- Fred's desire to ruin the King. His army was perfect in every way- they would do anything, ANYTHING he asked. They were unstoppable.

"TO EARTH!" he cried, and all of Hell rumbled as the million feet of his army stomped their way back out the gates of Hell, picking up their hope where they left it.

(In the years of training they had actually installed a 'Hope Check' room where you would turn in your hope and get a little ticket to pick it up later).

Fred lead the legion to the kingdom he had been sent forth from, but found, instead... a Macy's. The King had died, of course, long ago.

"DAMNIT!" said Fred.

"What's wrong sir?" asked on of the lowly men in his infantry.

"I wanted revenge on the king who sent me on a stupid quest... I was supposed to kill a dragon, but... I died instead."

"The king who lived here?" asked the man

"Yes, but he's long gone. I was going to make him switch places with a peasant..."

"I know what became of him. Shortly after you left on your quest, that Dragon made it's way to the castle and roasted and ate everyone inside, including the King. He found himself at St. Peter's gate, but, on a whim, went to Hell. he found that once there, the demons tormented him extra hard because on earth he had been a king. It was not until you began to amass this very army that he was set free to do as the common man, to make his way in the world of Hell like a commoner. Out of thanks for his freedom he enlisted in your army. He was placed in your infantry and only now that you have told your aim does he recognize you. I am that King, Fred, and I am sorry I sent you to your death. I'm sure you can see, I have suffered for it since that day." The man looked down to his feet.

Fred's jaw hung loose. He started to say something five times, and never finished. He stomped his foot once or twice, gnashed his teeth, held his breath, and....

  1. Kicked the King in the Balls!
  2. Offered the King a Handshake.
  3. Imploded.
  4. Imagined he was somewhere completely different....
  5. Ordered the Army to Kill the King.
  6. Ordered the Army to Kill Themselves.
  7. Orded Chinese Food.
  8. Farted a Deadly Fart.

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Jordan D. White

4/24/2003 6:27:15 PM

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