Baked Turkey, Cooked Goose. Things not as they seem! Skim milk masquerading as cream!

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 14495

"Blaine, what has four wheels and flies," the smart aleck gunslinger in training asks, starting on his shtick.

(Author's Note: a lot of the next stuff is almost directly from the novel, Wizard and Glass that this story thread is based upon. My apologies to King beforehand).

If what this strange red haired.....Amazon?....said was true, then if he can blow Blaine away with stupid jokes and her mysterious friends can take control of the train (the mono) before it tottered off the track.......

Because I shoot with my mind, Eddie thinks to himself, repeating the Gunslinger mantra. My mind. God help me shoot this overblown calculator with my mind. Help me shoot it around the corner.

"THE TOWN GARBAGE WAGON." Blaine says after a pause, sounding annoyed. "THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF RIDDLES?"

"Yep," Eddie smiles, "Just me and my riddles."

"ROLAND, SON OF STEVEN, SURELY YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO BOTHER WITH THIS?!" Blaine asks, exasperated, "THESE AREN'T RIDDLES AT ALL BUT STUPID JOKES AND I......."

".....cry off?" Roland asks, "You accede to contest?"

"NOT AT ALL!" Blaine says sharply, "BUT SURELY....."

"Answer the questions as asked by Eddie or I call this contest over....and us the winner," Roland says simply. "Cry off and we will have our Faire Day goose."

"Go along with the agreed terms of the contest," Probe 2 says over the PA system, "What are you.....a loser?"

"ALRIGHT," Blaine mutters sullenly.<P.

"Alright!" Eddie chortles, "Hey Blaine! When is a door not a door?"

"WHEN IT'S AJAR." Blaine says sullenly, angry, "DO YOU REALLY WISH TO KEEP ON THIS TRACK? TO DIE WITH STUPID RIDDLES ON YOUR LIPS?"

"Quit your whining pal." Eddie snaps, "If you want the privilege of smearing us all over the landscape, you'll just have to put up with a few riddles that aren't quite up to your standards of logic.'

"YOU MUST NOT SPEAK TO ME IN SUCH A MANNER." Blaine snaps back.

"Just like in the book." Astra mutters, shaking her head and smiling as Blaine again protests. She also feels sorry for Little Blaine, who'd come out briefly to warn them about Big Blaine getting angry.

"This book sounds rather interesting," Ia'adoire whispers to her love.

"Perhaps my new ‘sister' can loan me that book sometime," Lueoth whispers back.

The blue haired fairy woman and dragon mage also silently agree, looking over at Astra as she pulls out a book and reads while Eddie keeps yacking it up.

Roland and Susannah look over at her in askance, and then at each other in surprise as it becomes clear that Blaine is getting increasingly....frantic sounding as Eddie keeps asking his joke/riddles.

<P.Again and again Eddie offers Blaine a graceful way out. A chance to give over, but again and again the nutty machine refuses.

"Okay, Blaine." Eddie says. "You asked for it. Here comes hte cruncher. Why did the dead baby cross the road?"

The mono lurches on the tracks, but somehow remains on track. The walls start to cycle from transparent to opaque again and again....faster and faster.

"I KNOW IT, JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT," Blaine says in a voice of a panicky child, "I KNOW IT, RETRIEVAL IN PROGRESS, ALL LOGIC CIRCUITS IN USE."

"Answer," Roland prods the frustrated mad machine.

Blaine tries to dodge by stating that no time limit was set, but Roland counters that a riddle left unanswered by the time they crashed into Topeka was a final concession that his group (hi Ka-tet) was the winner by default. This is too much for the machine's ego, so it tries to barrel on.....with disastrous result for itself!

"I....I...YOU... SIXTEEN LOG THIRTY-THREE.... ALL COSINE SUBSRIPTS.... ANTI....ANTI.... IN ALL THESE YEARS.... BEAM.....FLOOD..... PYTHAGOREAN..... CARTESAIN LOGIC.... CAN I....DARE I.... A PEACH.... EAT A PEACH .....ALLMAN BROTHERS.... PATRICIA..... CROCODILE AND THE WHIPLASH SMILE.... CLOCK OF DAILS .....TICK-TOCK, ELEVEN O'CLOCK, THE MAN'S IN THE MOON AND HE'S READY TO ROCK.....INCESSANT......INCESSANT, MON CHER..........OH MY HEAD......BLAINE....BLAINE DARES..... BLAINE WILL ANSWER.....I......"

Those on the train hear shouting in the background....a popping sound.....and then a familiar voice speaks.

"You did it Eddie," Probe 2 says softly, "Blaine's goose is cooked.....as well as most of his higher functions now."

"Kind of makes you happy that there is such a thing as positronics vice dipolar, eh!" Probe chortles over the combadge.

Several of the other of Probe 2's group weigh in with their own quips.

"But is this Probe fellow really another person.....or just another split personality or even another AI out to get us!?" Susannah asks, worried.

"Okay.....let's just assure we are who we say we are," Probe 2 says after a long pause, "First, even though I'm not Blaine.....I promise you all shall very well reach Topeka safe and sound. The contest is over and Blaine is dead and dust, basically. In other words, ya won! Second, while I, my brother, and my family just happen to be AI people....we are real....and NOT out to get you. Or rather, to help GET you to the Dark Tower."

"Okay, that was fun and all but......" Probe, back in Ethiopia begins....but stops dead in his tracks as he sees something that chills his non-existent heart.

Probe yells and dives through the door to Mid-world. He'll be damned if he'll watch a young woman burned to death and he do nothing to stop it! , looks around at the suddenly unconscious crowd around her that had been set on burning her alive while all the while screaming "Charyou tree!" ("Come reap!" in the Old Tongue).

"Who are thee?" Susan gasps, grateful but surprised at the archaically dressed large man.

"Probe to my friends.....or even Count Zero to some," Probe says in a friendly, reassuring tone as he frees Susan from her bonds, "And you are?"


Roland's eyes grow wide in absolute shock and his knees give out almost as the sweet, familiar voice of his youth comes over the "combadge" answers. Somebody who....shouldn't......

"My name is Susan Delgrado, and thakee-sia!" Susan Delgrado, the love of Roland the Gunslinger of long ago answers.

"Oh shit," Probe whispers.

But she died in the book, the AI says to himself as he looks down at the blonde haired woman.

  1. So why is she here, now? Where is this place? What time is it, really?

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11/21/2000 2:21:56 PM

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