Strange Behaviour

"HEYYYYYY!" he whined. "Why'd ya do that?"

"Yes," said a pissed off Captain (she had been pissed since the previous episode, and probably longer). "Why did you do that?"

"Well, Captain," began Chakotay. "Being the ever-observant Amerindian and only crew-member with charm-enhancing face tatoos, I find it strange that you have put us on a course of action that would result in the death of a crew-member, one of my original Maquis, when what you really want is a way to get us home. You might as well, say, sacrifice Ensign Deadbeat here."

"Heyyyyyyyyy!" whined Ensign Deadbeat while checking over his uniform. ~~sh**! I'm wearing my red one today!!!~~

"That is an intelligent question, Chakotay," responded the Captain. "But for your informa--"

She was cut off by the appearance of Tuvok. He had a phaser in his hand. It was pointed at the Captain. "Back away, all of you," he said.

They did, which resulted in Seska dropping to the floor with a bang. "Ohhhhhh!" she swooned, coming out of her drug-induced stupor.

"Tuvok!" said the Captain. "What are you doing?!!?"

"Don't you find it strange Captain," began Tuvok, "that you would choose to sacrifice a crew-member to the cannibals in Deck 8? Don't you think it odd that we even have cannibals in Deck 8? And considering that they are neocampan, what are they doing eating a Bajoran?!!? If they were true cannibals they would be eating other neocampans! And most disturbing of all, don't you think it off-base to assume that a horrific and mortal sacrifice would result in our getting back to Federation space?"

"Well....some of those assumptions do seem weak," said the Captain.

"Weak!" responded Tuvok. "Captain, there is no logic to any of it!!! There is only one possible reason that you are acting in this incredulous way; you are under the mind-control of some strange earthling named Sir Josh who simply wants to make you do absurd things!"

"Wait a minute," said Chakotay. "How do you know his name is Sir Josh?"

"I just do," said Tuvok. "I'm Vulcan."

Then, from out of nowhere (or a duct of some kind, you decide) a whirlpool of enegy materialized onto the deck and Ensign Deadbeat was sucked into the malevolent maelstrom and rematerialized in the sonic shower of B'Elanna Torres. The half-Klingon engineer happened to be there as well, taking a shower, nude (how else would she be doing it?!!?).

Imagine if you will the shock of Ensign Deadbeat, one moment hearing a discussion on alien subterfuge and cannibals with odd eating behaviours, and then face to face with a very well-proportioned and completely naked woman! He responded in the only way he knew how: "Hey baby! Come here often?"

Of course the half-Klingon responded in the only way she knew how; she knee'd him in the groin, double-karate-chopped him in the neck, and kicked him in the shins for good measure.

Meanwhile the cannibals were forgotten, the dubious Sir Josh was forgotten, and Chakotay, the Captain, and Tuvok had their tricorders aimed at the still-active mini-wormhole that led directly to B'Elanna's sonic shower. "Wow," said Chakotay. "Interesting," said Tuvok. "Why her shower?" said the Captain.

1. just then a neocampan cannibal comes running out into the corridor!
2. Josh is watching this transpire on his computer monitor, in the comfyness of his bedroom, and he gets the queer feeling the cd-game isn't supposed to do this.

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