Things That Go Bump in the ACS

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 12720

Andrea cautiously opened the door. As she entered the room, an old man glanced up at her. "Hello there," he said with a kind smile, and went back to whacking the floor with a shoe. Andrea watched him in silent curiosity for a little while. He was, quite simply, striking the floor repeatedly with a shoe which had apparently been removed from his right foot, since the matching shoe was still on the other. He didn't appear to be angry, nor trying to kill an insect of some sort, or indeed attempting to accomplish anything at all. He was simply pounding a shoe on the floor.

Andrea suddenly realised that she had been addressed. "Where are my manners today?" she wondered as she replied. "Hello good sir."

The man nodded, smiled, and continued abusing the floor unabated. After a while this seemed to require some sort of comment. "May I ask what you're doing?"

"Just thumping the floor, as you can see," the man replied jocularly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was.

"But why?"

"Oh, it's my job. It's for the atmosphere, you see. Adds to the general spookiness of the place. Mysterious thumping and bumping coming from behind closed doors...I'm sure you agree, it can be rather unnerving."

Andrea agreed. Questions flooded her mind and she wasn't quite sure which to ask. "But...well...so do you live here?"

The old man looked puzzled. "I suppose so," he answered after reflecting. But not really...you see, I'm not really an actual character. I don't even have a name. Before you opened that door I was just a noise. Now that you've come in I have to have a personality and a body and everything, but once you leave I can just keep making noise and not worry about where I live and how I eat and bothersome things like that."

Andrea thought that was just about the daftest thing she had ever heard. "That's absurd," she insisted.

"Yes," replied the old man. "Spooky, isn't it?"

Andrea had to admit that it was, a little bit.

"Well, since I'm here...or since you're here...well, do you know where I might find a Golden Dishcloth of Righteousness?"

"Search me," said the man with a shrug, thumping the ground for emphasis. "I've got no idea about the world outside that door. What's it like?"

Andrea was at a loss to answer a question like that, and...

  1. ...politely excused herself.
  2. ...asked the old man more about himself.
  3. ...had to think about it.

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Pozzo

9/2/2000 8:16:06 AM

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