Bottoms Up! (You Fantastic Bastard)

What manner of creature could possibly have a thousand eyes? Is there a beast out there roaming the countryside that is more hideous than the dragon that Lord Fred was sent to kill some time ago?

The voice on the opposite side of the door has gone silent. In its place was a low rumbling that sounded like hundreds of muffled voices all speaking at the same time. Sir Josh finally tells himself that he has to get up and confront the beast, whatever it is. There was an innocent citizen out there who was probably devoured by the creature, and he needed to be avenged, if only to honor his fanatical devotion to the King. Sir Josh grabs a sword and shield, then carefully makes his way to the door. He swiftly kicks it open...

...and is confronted by 502 villagers. Two of the men had lost an eye during duels or great battles with invading armies. Oddly, there is no sign of the person who screamed in terror moments ago. Either he managed to escape, or he was drawn into the crowd of people and can't easily been seen.

"I am Sir Josh! Tell me what is the meaning of this! Why are you all here in my presence tonight?"

Sir Josh knew that what he said sounded awkward and probably not at all heroic, but he was still feeling a little scared. But he still needed to say something to the 502 people gathered outside. After an awkward silence, one of the villagers steps forward and answers Sir Josh's inquiry:

1. "We are here to back you in a powerful army, Sir Josh!"
2. "We want that damn piece of paper that insults the King!"
3. "We're here to talk about our lord and savior Jesus Christ!"
4. "Wait a minute...are you sure you're not really Lord Fred?"
5. "We're interested in selling you home and life insurance!"
6. "We're a touring entertainment ensemble called The Aristocrats! Would you like to see us perform?"

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