Explain? Fine, I'll Explain...

Astra turned her attention back to the sword with a confused look on her face. The dwarf nearly jumped out of his pants in surprise. "You're not a talking sword?" Astra ventured. "Then what, pray tell, are you?"

The sword made a sound that vaguely resembled a sigh. "I confess, m'lady, that I am in fact a brave knight. 'Hubert the Difficult-But-Not-Impossible-To-Defeat,' I once was, in fact."

"That's the worst knight name I've ever heard!" responded Astra. "Who knighted you that?"

"My parents," Hubert said, reluctantly. "I was the second child. My older brother was 'Harold the Undefeatable.' When I came along, they realized that, logically speaking, if Harold was undefeatable and I ever faced him, I would lose. Therefore, my name could not also be 'Undefeatable.'"

Astra puzzled over this for a moment. "I guess that makes sense...but why are you a sword?"

"Well," Hubert continued. "With a name like that, you can imagine I wasn't too intimidating. An evil sorcerer who lives in this cave with his pet dragon came by and challenged me one day. Lacking advanced magic skills, I lost the match rather quickly. As punishment, he trapped my soul inside this sword, crafted by the very unknowing dwark beside you. Forever I am stuck here, with no one to console me except random travelers like yourself."

"Oh, I'm sorry," replied Astra. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Beats me," said Hubert. "I have no clue how to undo the curse. I'm afraid I know very little magic. And most of that which I do know requires the use of my arms and legs, now non-existent. In fact, in my current state there are but two spells I retain the ability to perform. One is the nudity for a year spell you're currently under, and the other allows me to recreate any noise I have heard."

"Speaking of that nudity spell," Astra interrupted, seeing her opportunity here, "Is there any chance you could remove that? If perhaps I set your soul free?"

The sword answered...

1. "No way, lady. You know what kind of life a talking sword leads? I get very few pleasures down here, and like it or not your hot body is one of them. (Besides, I never actually learned how to undo that one.)
2. Sure, IF you could find a way to get me back into my body.

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