Fred and Astra are barely out of the club when they hear cries of "Hey,
come back here!" Not realizing they forgot Velus inside, Fred and Astra
continue down the path leading away from the club. After a few seconds,
a group of knights comes from behind them and cuts off their path. Fred
and Astra turn to run the other way, but are cut off by the rest of the
knights. As the knights encircle Fred and Astra, one of them steps
forward and removes his helmet. "You caught us with our pants down," he
says, leaving Fred and Astra very confused, Fred because in Allaria that
saying meant that you were taken by surprise, Astra because she'd never
heard the saying before.
Then Astra notices the literal meaning. Each of them is wearing a chain mail tunic, but is completely naked below the waist. And she can guess what they were doing before they ambushed her and Fred. "I see," she finally says. "And how exactly did we do that?" "Well, you see," said another knight, "we were right outside that window over there, and we were, uh, watching through that window. Watching you and your man friend, that is." "You were doing what?" exclaimed a very disturbed Astra. She would have run over and started beating him to a pulp, except that he was at least partially armored, and the leader's sword was now at her throat. "I wouldn't think about that if I were you, miss. For all our sakes." The knight continued his story. "Well, as you can see, we all dropped our chain mail leggings and started, well, you know. But you were so quick - we didn't have time to get, ah, fully excited." "Perverts!" Astra spat on the ground in front of them. "Getting your jollies off on unsuspecting people under strange compulsions to copulate! Who do you think you are?" "Did you hear that, Bors? The wench doesn't know who we are!" one of the knights behind her yelled. "I am Princess Astra of Aquilaria, no mere wench!" Astra yelled. No one heard her, for she said that at the same time another knight replied, "You're absolutely right, Kay! You know what that means, don't you?" The whole circle of knights exploded, "It's song-and-dance time!" The as-yet-unidentified leader put his sword away and rejoined the circle. "Just watch and listen. It's quite entertaining, I assure you." And so the knights danced for a very bemused Fred and Astra as they sang this song: We're Knights of the Square Table. We watch whene'er we're able. Our Kings and Queens do porno scenes And we get them on cable. We play tapes by Sir Mix-a-Lot And look at naked chicks a lot. We're Knights of the Square Table, The voyeur knights of fable. We lie in wait and masturbate As Galahad mounts Mabel. We just got here from Camelot. We like the new madam a lot. We're mentally unstable. We're quite unpredictable. You must go back inside that shack And do it on the table. We love it back in Camelot. But now we're here to jam a plot. "So," finished the leader, "it's your choice. Go back in there for a few more minutes of harmless sex, or have us mercilessly butcher you. Sex or violence, we need one or the other to get excited enough to go on our quest to find the Unholy Grail, and I think I speak for all of us when I say I'd prefer the former."
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3/1/2006 4:33:25 PM
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