Judgement 234:10 VALID -2 Style

From: Aron Wall (aron_at_wall.org)
Date: Sat Apr 09 2005 - 21:44:06 PDT


Quazie wrote:

> One method by which the TVRotR can satisfy the restriction in 234:3 is
> to follow all of the restrictions that are are enclosed by asterisks.
>
> **
> You will not be able to stay home, brother.
> You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.
> You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
> Skip out for beer during commercials,
> Because the tenth valid rule of this round will not be televised.
>
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be televised.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be brought to you by Xerox
> In 4 parts without commercial interruptions.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not show you pictures of Nixon
> blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John
> Mitchell, General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat
> hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be televised.
>
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be brought to you by the
> Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star Natalie
> Woods and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not give your mouth sex appeal.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not get rid of the nubs.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not make you look five pounds
> thinner, because the tenth valid rule of this round will not be
> televised, Brother.
>
> There will be no pictures of you and Willie May
> pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run,
> or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance.
> NBC will not be able predict the winner at 8:32
> or report from 29 districts.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be televised.
>
> There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
> brothers in the instant replay.
> There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
> brothers in the instant replay.
> There will be no pictures of Whitney Young being
> run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process.
> There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy
> Wilkens strolling through Watts in a Red, Black and
> Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
> For just the proper occasion.
>
> Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville
> Junction will no longer be so damned relevant, and
> women will not care if Dick finally gets down with
> Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people
> will be in the street looking for a brighter day.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be televised.
>
> There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock
> news and no pictures of hairy armed women
> liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
> The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb,
> Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
> Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be televised.
>
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be right back after a message
> about a white tornado, white lightning, or white people.
> You will not have to worry about a dove in your
> bedroom, a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not go better with Coke.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not fight the germs that may
> cause bad breath.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will put you in the driver's seat.
>
> The tenth valid rule of this round will not be televised, will not be televised,
> will not be televised, will not be televised.
> The tenth valid rule of this round will be no re-run brothers;
> The tenth valid rule of this round will be live.
> **
>
> The tenth valid rule of this round must, along with following those
> restrictions as noted in 234:3, describe in detail the left foot of
> hamlet, in no less than 150 words.
>
> The tenth valid rule of this round, along with the 11th rule of this
> round, shall contain at least 4 words with the letter Q in them.
>
> The eleventh rule of this round, along with the tenth valid rule of
> this round, shall follow all restrictions placed upon it by this, and
> all other, valid rules of this round.

Validity: A potential problem is that the rule restricts the content of the
eleventh rule, which by context is clearly the eleventh VALID or INVALID rule.  But
the eleventh rule, if it is INVALID, need not follow the restriction given in this
rule, which would mean that this rule would be presuming on powers not given to it
by the Regular Ordinances, hence contradicting RO 1.  I was therefore going to rule
this INVALID.

But then on second thought I noticed that the restriction was given using the word
"shall", not the word "will".  Thus rather than being a prediction, it can be
interpreted as an injunction, forcing complience at the expense of its subject's
invalidity, not its own. (e.g. "Thou shalt not commit adultery" does not mean "You
will not commit adultery")

(By the way, in most rounds, "rule" traditionally usually refers to VALID rules.
But this round's usage is clearly an exception.)

Style: However, I cannot be so lenient when it comes to my aesthetic judgement.
Quazie tries to satisfy 234:9 by just quoting the whole rule and avoiding the
difficult task of explaining the actual way to satisfy 234:3's difficult
prohibition.  I will judge that this satisfies 234:9 on a technicality :-}. but as
a method of satisfying the restriction it avoids doing any actual work.  It's one
thing to cleverly circumvent a restriction, and quite another to just cut and paste
and hope to satisfy the restriction that way.  Additionally, the first half of the
sentence after the asterisks, and the entire last sentence are completely
redundant.  -2 Style for these serious aesthetic flaws.

Aron Wall

P.S. At first it takes us all a little while to figure out what is and is not
stylish in the Committee.  Slow down a little and wait to post until you have an
idea you think will appeal--especially when you've got a lot of eligible time
remaining.


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