From owner-frc@troll.no Mon Feb 7 00:53:01 2000 Received: from root@svis01 [131.155.70.161] by svfile1.win.tue.nl (8.8.7) for id AAA28951 (ESMTP). Mon, 7 Feb 2000 00:53:00 +0100 (MET) Received: from lupinella.troll.no [195.0.254.19] by svis01.win.tue.nl (8.8.7) for id AAA17559 (ESMTP). Mon, 7 Feb 2000 00:52:58 +0100 (MET) Received: by troll.no id ; Mon, 7 Feb 2000 00:52:39 +0100 Sender: owner-frc@troll.no Precedence: list X-Loop: frc Message-ID: <001a01bf70fc$9bf41f40$3e48f7a5@#crl.ix.netcom.com> From: "Christian R. Leonhard" To: "FRC" Subject: Final Summary of Round 129: "The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the FRC" Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2000 18:48:02 -0500 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-MSMail-Priority: Normal Status: RO Final Summary of Round 129: "The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the FRC" _Player_Standings_ Anton Cox 2000-02-07 13:33:38 GMT +5.5 * Jesse Welton {2000-02-02 23:17:08 GMT} +7.5 ^ Ed Murphy {2000-01-30 20:06:54 GMT} +1.5 John M. Goodman II {2000-01-27 20:32:08 GMT} +4.5 Garth Rose {2000-01-26 21:57:12 GMT} 0.0 Jeremy D. Selengut {2000-01-25 18:44:42 GMT} -1.0 Ronald Kunne {2000-01-25 16:47:38 GMT} +1.0 {new players} {2000-01-25 16:39:23 GMT} 0.0 * next round's judge ^ next round's wizard _Rule_Summary_ Rule 129:1 (Ronald Kunne, 2000-01-18 16:47:38 GMT) VALID +1.0 Rule 129:2 (Jesse Welton, 2000-01-18 17:50:41 GMT) VALID +1.0 Rule 129:3 (Jeremy D. Selengut, 2000-01-18 18:44:42 GMT) VALID -1.0 Rule 129:4 (John M. Goodman II, 2000-01-18 21:14:54 GMT) VALID +1.5 Rule 129:5 (Garth Rose, 2000-01-18 22:20:44 GMT) INVALID +2.0 Rule 129:6 (Jesse Welton, 2000-01-19 21:53:22 GMT) VALID +1.5 Rule 129:7 (Garth Rose, 2000-01-19 21:57:12 GMT) VALID -2.0 Rule 129:8 (John M. Goodman II, 2000-01-19 22:45:00 GMT) INVALID +1.5 Rule 129:9 (John M. Goodman II, 2000-01-20 20:32:08 GMT) VALID +1.5 Rule 129:10 (Anton Cox, 2000-01-21 17:30:26 GMT) VALID +1.5 Rule 129:11 (Jesse Welton, 2000-01-21 21:40:19 GMT) VALID +2.0 Rule 129:12 (Ed Murphy, 2000-01-23 20:06:54 GMT) VALID +1.5 Rule 129:13 (Anton Cox, 2000-01-24 13:47:28 GMT) VALID +2.0 Rule 129:14 (Jesse Welton, 2000-01-27 23:17:08 GMT) VALID +1.5 Rule 129:15 (Anton Cox, 2000-01-31 13:33:38 GMT) VALID +2.0 Rule 129:16 (Jesse Welton, 2000-02-03 22:06:39 GMT) INVALID +1.5 _Rules_and_Judgements_ >>>>> Rule 129:1 (Ronald Kunne, 2000-01-18 16:47:38 GMT) VALID +1.0 >>>>> >All habitable planets in the galaxy can be reached using Stargates. >No planet can be reached by more than five Stargates. >To be able to use a Stargate one needs an object. > >To leave Earth a towel is sufficient. >>>>> Validity: MOSTLY VALID. Style: Establishes an interesting framework right off the bat. Also, slipping in an Adams reference just as I resigned myself to its absence is surely worth something. STYLE +1.0. >>>>> Rule 129:2 (Jesse Welton, 2000-01-18 17:50:41 GMT) VALID +1.0 >>>> > >All players begin the round on Earth. > >In one week's time, Earth will be demolished to make way for an >interspace bypass. Any players remaining on Earth at that time will >be vaporized, and consequently unable to post further valid rules. >Any objections must be filed in person at DemolitionCo's headquarters >on Vulcan. > >>>> Validity: VALID. Style: I really enjoy the way this round's restrictions are, thus far, emergent from a body of facts being established about the galaxy, as opposed to being put forth as explicit mandates (e.g., "all rules must do thus-and-such"). STYLE +1.0. >>>>> Rule 129:3 (Jeremy "Beeblebrox" Selengut, 2000-01-18 18:44:42 GMT) VALID -1.0 > >>>>> > >All stargates are two-way portals (although the object requirements may not >be the same in both directions). > >For technical reasons, no two planets whose stars are more distant than >1000 light years may be connected by stargates. > >For technical reasons, no two stargates on a given planet may link to star >systems separated by less than 45 degrees of arc as viewed from that planet. > >Stargates are not operable when the sight-line connecting the two planets >passes within 0.1AU of an intervening star. (1 AU = the average distance >between Earth and its sun) > >For economic reasons, no two planets whose stars are closer than 100 light >years may be connected by stargates. > >Travel through stargates is not instantaneous, the effective speed is 1000 >times the speed of light in a vacuum (1000c). > >Stargates are horribly expensive to operate and require a month to recharge >after each gateship has been sent on its way. > >For these reasons, most travel is still accomplished by hyperlight ships >whose maximum speed is 100c and whose only practical limitation is that >their straight-line path must not take them within 0.01 AU of any massive >object. > >My hitchhiker's guide to the FRC (the Guide) shows that only one stargate >(the one to Kamazotz) is potentially available for use before Earth is >obliterated, the others being in an unfavorable orientation with the stars >at either end or have been used in the last month. Personally, I doubt >that I have the required megacredits to bribe my way on to that gateship, >and just between you and me, I'm not entirely sure what happens to a >gateship in mid jump when the gate at one end is vaporized!!!! I wish good >luck to my friend Ronald, I hear that he and his towel had booked a spot on >that ship prior to the panic the recent announcement of demolition has caused. > >I've managed to stow away on a garbage scow named the Quark headed for the >recycling and reclamation facility on Europa. We'll be going sub-light the >whole way, so I put my arrival time at three days from today, that would be >Stardate 3046:203. (Stardate = yyyy:ddd where each year has 1000 days of 24 >hours each) > >To help us hitchhikers keep in touch, each rule from now on must include a >reference date and an estimate of the transit time of any travel to be >completed before the next rule posted by that hitchhiker. > > >>>>>>> Validity: Treads perilously close to invalidity. Whatever amenities a gateship might afford, it has already been established (in 129:1) that such an object is not necessary for stargate usage (from Earth, at any rate). Fortunately for Jeremy, this rule manages to avoid the claim that stargate traversal *requires* a gateship. VALID. Style: Ack! While this cavalcade of restrictions is (I suppose) perversely stylish in its own way, this must be weighed against the fact that most of them have no discernible effect in the absence of an FRC star chart. If Jeremy had provided any planetary positioning data to start such a thing off, I might have felt differently, but instead these restrictions just like there like so many dead fishes. STYLE -1.0. >>>>> Rule 129:4 (John "Dodge Stratus" Goodman II, 2000-01-18 21:14:54 GMT) VALID +1.5 >>>>>>>>>>>> > >I've found a note from myself dated 3046:210. Apparently it was dropped >through a trans-dimensional time-flux caused by the demolition of Earth. >After all, it is still 3046:203 as I write this. > >The note was a reminder to myself to be sure to go swimming in shark >infested waters off the coast of Sicily in two days. I'll quote myself >from the note: > >"...just as I was sure my head would be bitten off by a ravenous shark, I >found myself aboard a strange ship. I don't understand exactly how I got >here, but it seems this ship, dubbed the Left Intestine of Gold, is >running off an incredibly finite probability drive. I don't know how it >works, but the side effect is that whenever the drive is activated, only >extremely unlikely things (those with an incredibly small probility) >occur. Anyway, the ship picked me up and turned the shark into a cup of >tea... though the tea doesn't quite taste right. But I digress. > >I'll be arriving on the planet... they haven't figured out which planet >we're least likely to arrive at yet... yesterday... I'm not sure how that >will work, but the date will be 3046:209 they assure me. > >Oh, and to pass the time while we wait for yesterday, I've managed to >aquire satelite feeds of the last few days on Earth. I've determined that >no two members of the FRC escaped Earth by the same method of transit, >with the exception of the one member who travelled with me, hiding in my >knapsack. He hasn't come out yet to identify himself, or at least now >while I was watching..." > >Anyway, that's the note. I'm on my way to Sicily now. Of course I know >every word in this note is true. The signature is authentic and I'd never >lie, especially to myself. > >-Dodge Stratus >>>>>>>>> Validity: VALID. Style: A prefect choice in pseudonyms. I mean perfect. STYLE +1.5 >>>>> Rule 129:5 (Garth "Garthur Bent" Rose, 2000-01-18 22:20:44 GMT) INVALID +2.0 >>>>> >---------- >I, the hapless Garthur Bent, was travelling in Sicily looking for some really >good olive oil when I happened across my good friend Dodge Stratus. He asked >me to get a towel out of his knapsack, and I accidentally fell in - it's a good >deal bigger on the inside than the outside! > >Until I figure out how to get out of here, I'm amusing myself by reading >Dodge's copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the FRC - the big red button that >says DON'T PANIC is strangely comforting. Here's what the Guide has to say >about astrography: > >"Space is big. Really big. Mind-bogglingly big. But don't get us started on >that, OK? In space there are stars, only a very tiny number of which are >habitable. Helpfully, in one of those unbelieveable coincidences that disprove >the existence of God (see: Babel Fish) every habitable planet has integer >coordinates using the standard coordinate system. > >In this Cartesian coordinate system, the origin is the center of the galaxy and >the plane of the galaxy is the XY plane. The coordinates are marked off in >units of 500 light years. No habitable planet is more than ten units from >the center of the galaxy, nor more than two units above or below the plane of >the galaxy. (It's a lot smaller than those stupid turlingdromes on a certain >mostly harmless planet think!)" > >I gather from reading the Guide that the Earth, which after all is in the >backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the galaxy, >has coordinates of (-10,0,0). While I know from reading lots of Star Trek >novels that Vulcan orbits Epsilon Eridani - very close to Earth. It surely >has to be within jumpgate distance of Earth. >---------- >>>>> Validity: 129:3 requires that "each rule from now on must include a reference date." INVALID. Style: Too bad. This would have made any stellar cartography to be done infinitely more manageable. First quote from the guide-within-the-guide as well, which is very much in the style of the HHG. STYLE +2.0. >>>>> Rule 129:6 (Jesse Welton, 2000-01-19 21:53:22 GMT) VALID +1.5 >>>> > >Perhaps due to the statistical unlikelihood pollution emitted by the >incredibly finite probability drive, all stars happen to lie precisely >in the galactic plane, and are effectively at rest with respect to one >another. Each planet orbits a star. For purposes of interstellar >travel, a planet may be considered to lie at the same point in the >galactic plane as the star it orbits. There are no heavenly bodies >besides planets and stars. > >Due to fuel limitations, only stargates and ships powered by >incredibly finite probability drive are capable of interstellar >voyages. The incredibly finite probability drive, however, has been >outlawed because of the high degree of statistical unlikelihood >pollution it emits. The only remaining ship of this kind, the Left >Intestine of Gold, will be impounded and disabled immediately upon its >next arrival at a planet. > >Stardate 3046:204. I was on my way to the Kamazotz stargate, when my >shuttle was blind-sided by some crazy skimmer just prior to escaping >Earth's gravitational well. Somehow, I survived the explosion -- >probably all that blasted statistical unlikelihood pollution again. I >spread my towel (a TowelCo SuperTowel, size SuperLarge) to use it as a >parachute upon reentry. To my great consternation, it instead caught >the solar wind, which now carries me slowly but inexorably toward >Bluto. Dreadful place, and at this rate I should reach it in, oh, >about 900 years. I'll give a progress report tomorrow. > >-Alvin, the Malcontented Cyborg > >>>> Validity: I was not at first sure that this rule did not conflict with 129:1, but I've concluded that it does not. My logic involves de-conflating the concepts of 'using a stargate' and 'interstellar travel'. Consider: 1) all rooms can be reached by way of doors 2) to pass through a door one needs a key 3) a silver key allows one to leave the foyer 4) only people with legs may move from room to room This rule restricts the locomotion necessary to get one to a stargate in the first place, whereas 129:1 can be read to apply only to the operation of the stargates themselves. VALID. Style: Extra credit for a valiant effort to tame FRC cartography. Style +1.5. >>>>> Rule 129:7 (Garth Rose, 2000-01-19 21:57:12 GMT) VALID -2.0 >>>>> >---------- >I, the hapless Garthur Bent, was travelling in Sicily (Stardate 3046:205) >looking for some really good olive oil when I happened across my good friend >Dodge Stratus. He asked me to get a towel out of his knapsack, and I >accidentally fell in - it's a good deal bigger on the inside than the outside! > >Until I figure out how to get out of here, I'm amusing myself by reading >Dodge's copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the FRC - the big red button that >says DON'T PANIC is strangely comforting. Here's what the Guide has to say >about astrography: > >"Space is big. Really big. Mind-bogglingly big. But don't get us started on >that, OK? In space there are stars, only a very tiny number of which are >habitable. Helpfully, in one of those unbelieveable coincidences that disprove >the existence of God (see: Babel Fish) every star with a habitable planet >(call 'em habitable stars - what's in a name?) has integer coordinates using >the standard coordinate system. > >In this Cartesian coordinate system, the origin is the center of the galaxy and >the plane of the galaxy is the XY plane. The coordinates are marked off in >units of 500 light years. No habitable star is more than five units from the >center of the galaxy, nor more than one unit above or below the plane of the >galaxy. (It's a lot smaller than those stupid turlingdromes on a certain >mostly harmless planet think!)" > >I gather from reading the Guide that the Earth, which after all is in the >backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the galaxy, >has coordinates of (-5,0,0). While I know from reading lots of Star Trek >novels that Vulcan orbits Epsilon Eridani - very close to Earth. It surely >is within stargate distance of Earth. >---------- Validity: Luck is on Garth's side today. Could have easily been unsuccesful, but manages to be VALID. Style: Though it seems capricious to alter my policy on reposts so radically after my notorious leniency in my last at-bat, I do see the merits of discouraging this sort of thing. STYLE -2.0. >>>>> Rule 129:8 (John M. Goodman II, 2000-01-19 22:45:00 GMT) INVALID +1.5 >>>>>>>>> >Well, I've finally discovered who stowed away in my knapsack. I guess he was getting hungry, >or maybe my pet wombat finally noticed him in there, but two days ago Garthur Bent, a good >friend of mine who was nice enough to lend me a towel on occasion, jumped screaming from the >side of my knapsack. It took me all day to sew the tear back up, and Wally (that's my wombat's >name) got loose. > >Unfortunantly, Wally maimed the pilot of the Left Intestine of Gold, as well as most of the >rest of the crew, before I finally managed to get him under control by throwing him out the >window. I hope he's okay out there in the vastness of space. > >The only crew member to live was actually a computer. A very chipper computer... so cheerful >in fact that... well, I was happy to relinquish command of the Left Intestine of Gold (which >requires talking to that blasted computer) to my good friend Garther. > >Not that I had much choice. See, this morning, being 3046:209, we were hailed by a Vogon >construction fleet who told us they would be happy to demolish us as soon as they finished with >Earth. Somehow we ended up rather close to where I started. I felt an urge to panic, and ran >for my knapsack, which is where I keep my guide with the words "Don't Panic" on it. >Unfortunantly, my guide was kept in a storage bay that was NOT shielded against statistical >unlikelyhood pollution. I grabbed my bag just as the wall of the storage bay turned to grape >jam. The next thing I knew, I was covered with jam and outside of the Left Intestine of Gold. > >After waving hi to Wally, who was still floating outside the window, I climbed into my >knapsack. For as everyone knows, knapsacks such as this are air-tight and perfectly safe for >space travel. By noon, I had landed on Earth again. *sigh* > >But, I imagine the Left Intestine of Gold is still safe. Just before I left I heard Garthur >telling the computer to get out of there. I think he figured the ship is safe as long as he >doesn't go to any planets. And since no other ships can travel like the Left Intestine, he >should have the universe as his own personal playground. > >I was rather worried, having no other way to escape Earth, that is until I met some very >friendly little white mice. > >It seems they wanted my brain. And while I haven't yet agreed to let them have it (though they >assure me I don't really need it), they have taken me to their secret vault in the center of >the Earth. We should be safe from vaporization there. > >-Dodge Stratus >>> >>>>>> Validity: 129:2 states that "in one week's time, Earth will be demolished to make way for an interspace bypass." From 129:3, we know that this rule was dated on or before 3046:200, meaning that demolition occurred on 3046:207, two days before Dodge's return. Try as I might, I can't reconcile the notion of Earth's being demolished (especially *to make way* for something) with that of there still being an Earth to land on two days later. INVALID. Style: Not a lot here to affect anyone other than Garth, but this is more than made up for by the continued development of the storyline in a style very like that of the HHG. STYLE +1.5. >>>>> Rule 129:9 (John M. Goodman II, 2000-01-20 20:32:08 GMT) VALID +1.5 >>>>>>>> >Whoops. > >It looks like I've made a bit of a chronological error. It seems that >when the Left Intestine of Gold travelled backwards in time my digital >watch (which I am very proud of and love to wear) stopped. > >I noticed this morning that it still says today is 3046:209. Maybe I just >need to wind it. > >In any case, my friends the mice inform me that it is actually 3046:208 >now. They also loaned me a pocket digital watch to use until I figure out >how to wind mine. It seems I actually landed on Earth the day BEFORE it >was vaporized. > >The mice tell me that we've been travelling a bit since then. When the >Earth was vaporized, they harnessed the energy of teh demolition equipment >involved to open a portal to their home dimension, where we were chased by >a large mob of people who kept asking us what the question was. I felt >like I was on Jeopardy, only I had no chance of winning money and feared >for my life. > >In any case, after we managed to lose the mob, my friends (who look >NOTHING like mice in their home dimension) consulted with a rather large >computer, and then opened a dimensional portal back to our home dimension. > >We ended up on a strange planet populated entirely by towels. It's like >paradise. > >The upshot of all this is that the mice have agreed to help any FRC >members they meet travel between planets, by jumping dimensions and >avoiding interstellar travel altogether. The downside is that one of us >has to give up our brain. I hope whomever they choose doesn't see that as >too much of an inconvience. > >-Dodge Stratus >>>>>>> Validity: VALID. Style: The cavalcade of references Adamsian continues unabated. Nicely extends the storyline developed in the invalid 129:8 rather than simply replacing it. STYLE +1.5. >>>>> Rule 129:10 (Anton Cox, 2000-01-21 17:30:26 GMT) VALID +1.5 >>>>>>> > >Stardate 3046:205 > >Hello, it is the FRC brain here. > >Everybody seems to have forgotten me (as usual), and I have been >abandoned on Earth. In a glass jar in front of a large bulldozer for >some reason. > >Anyway, here I am (brain the size of a planet) with absolutely no idea >how I am going to get off this muddy sphere before it gets demolished. >And I have a funny feeling that I shall come in handy later. So the >next one of you to post a rule had better include an explanation of >how I make it off Earth in time to escape oblivion. I do know that it >will only take 11 minutes though. > >And people complain that I am not helpful. If you want I could go >stick my head in a jar of water. Oh, but someone seems to have done >that to me already. > >And why are all those mice staring at me....? > >>>>>>> Validity: VALID. Style: And so another character is added to our unfolding tale (one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of displeasure not to be able to avoid reading about, to coin a paraphrase). STYLE +1.5. >>>>> Rule 129:11 (Jesse Welton, 2000-01-21 21:40:19 GMT) VALID +2.0 >>>> > >Stardate 3046:205. I caught a brief glimpse of the Left Intestine of >Gold streaking (naked) past me as I sail the solar wind. As it passed >by, a whale was quite mysteriously called into being which seemed to >mouth the words "Garther Bent" as it fell past me into the >gravitational well of Earth, bare minutes before the planet's >demolition. The entire population of the eastern hemisphere must have >been as surprised as the whale, because they all jumped up just as it >hit Mongolia. Amazingly, the resulting impulse seems to have been >transmitted entirely to the FRC Brain, which was ejected from the >Earth just in time to avoid destruction. I'm now tacking my way >up-wind to meet him. Why? Well, every cyborg should have a brain the >size of a planet, don't you think? Anyway, I'll meet him in about >twelve hours. > >Hey, you pass that sassy Dodge Stratus? Now there's a fraud who >always knows where your towel is. He'd like us to think you can >completely avoid having to deal with star charts by going >inter-dimensional, but you can't. Due to the incredible reflexivity of >the Great Hodgepodge of All Things, inter-dimensional travel is capable >of conveying people from any given planet, to precisely the same >places to which that planet is connected by stargates. > >>>> Validity: This one caught me off-guard, but it does not appear to conflict with anything. Apparently, 129:2 was dated 3046:198 (not 3046:200, as I had previously thought), which puts Earth's demolition on 3046:205 (meaning that Dodge and Garthur escaped Siciliy with scant time to spare). Of course, Dodge's return to Earth on 3046:204 means he was briefly in two places at once, but I see no reason to hold this against him. VALID. Style: Wow, 3046:5 was one *busy* day. STYLE +2.0. >>>>> Rule 129:12 (Ed Murphy, 2000-01-23 20:06:54 GMT) VALID +1.5 >>>>> >Stardate three. Zero four six. POINT two... oh four. I have rigged >up an interplanetary cryogenic unit for myself - using a green Holiday >Inn towel as the engine's main chassis belt - and am about to launch >myself into low Earth orbit. If my calculations are correct, the _Left >Intestine of Gold_ will crash into this unit tomorrow, thus propelling >me to its final destination. I'm not sure what the natives call their >planet, but according to the _Left_'s planned trajectory, it has >coordinates (2,-3). This is Zane P. Smirk signing off. >>>>> Validity: Hmmm. 129:11 established that "inter-dimensional travel is capable of conveying people from any given planet, to precisely the same places to which that planet is connected by stargates." We already know from 129:3 that "no two planets whose stars are more distant than 1000 light years may be connected by stargates." Given that 129:7 informs us that "coordinates are marked off in units of 500 light years," this would mean that a stargate from Earth at (-5,0) to (2,-3) would have to span more than 3800 ly, which is clearly impossible; therefore, an IFPD ship is incapable of making the same journey. INVALID. REVISED: As Jesse points out, 129:9 draws a clear distinction between interstellar and interdimensional travel. Since we know from 129:6 that AFPD travel is interstellar, the objection noted here does not apply. This rule is therefore VALID. Style: Our first cross-genre visitor. STYLE +1.5. >>>>> Rule 129:13 (Anton Cox, 2000-01-24 13:47:28 GMT) VALID +2.0 >>>>>>> > >Stardate 3046:230. > >Hello. Brain again. > >Alvin and I have had a most eventful time since we met up. You would >not believe the amount of trouble that a mistranslated copy of "A La >Recherche Du Temps Perdu" can cause! But Alvin will tell you all about >that next time he writes. > >So here we are, chained together in our cell. As we have been for the >last two weeks. For some reason Alvin has banned me from reciting verse >aloud any more (indeed, he threatened to "bash his brain against the >wall" if he heard another stanza). So from now on I must record it in >my written posts instead. > > "Oh, when will I again be free?", > Cried Alvin, (from our cell en route to some far prison colony). > > To cheer the moody droid up a bit (and he needs it!) I might have said: > "We have at least another month to reach the penal mines. > Then ten years of hard labour (or till dead) > plus what it takes to pay off all those fines... > > But it could be worse - at least you're not alone." > (All I got from Alvin was a groan) > >As you may have noticed, Alvin is psychic (so our interminable games >of Snap! are not much fun, I can tell you!). He tells me that all >future rules will describe (with coordinates) one possible journey >between pairs of planets. > >>>>>>> Validity: VALID. Style: Just as the Brain vexes Alvin with his verse, so does the Brain's author rile Alvin's with his rule. Nice symmetry, that. STYLE +2.0. >>>>> Rule 129:14 (Jesse Welton, 2000-01-27 23:17:08 GMT) VALID +1.5 >>> Stardate 3046:206. Following the destruction of Earth, the captain of DemolitionCo's mothership spoke a few words to acknowledge the passing of our mostly harmless little planet. (This was of course easy to hear over the ship's loudspeakers, due to the dispersing vapors that had moments before been solid earth.) The words were a few lines from "A La Recherche Du Temps Perdu", rendered in the original Vulcan: Hog swabble di grort Mumu burdu ben grickle Fenhoosie di Bawlem thort Wayar yuso illah jickle For the benefit of any who might not understand Vulcan, Brain read from his Collected English Translations of All Possible Verse (the massive document from which he pulls all his verse, and which contains no foreign words) a translation which sent me into horrific, spasming moans. It was not just the butchering of the second line, which I can forgive (there being no proper English concept of grickle), but the whole beautifully resentful sentiment of the piece was everywhere abolished. Here it is, a poem perfect for spitting on the gassy remains of a mostly senseless planet, and Brain here spoils it with a misrepresentation so gross... But I do go on. The upshot of it is, this horrid translation caused a moaning reaction in yours truly which attracted the attention of the demolition fleet. Now, as I try to figure out how to strangle an enormous brain in a jar, they bear down on us to take us into custody. Apparently the charge is wrongful fleeing of demolition. They'd intended to vaporize all of us along with our planet, for reasons eloquently expressed in the brief verse above, and now we must all be brought by the shortest route possible to the prison colony on Berberi, there to serve time waiting tables at the penal mines' temperal bar, until our debts to society are repaid. Our first jump will be from Europa (-5,0) to Windowsill (-4,1), where we will arrive in about three quarters of a year. I just know it. -Alvin the Malcontented Cyborg >>> Validity: VALID. Style: Do cyborgs dream of electric babelfish? STYLE +1.5. >>>>> Rule 129:15 (Anton Cox, 2000-01-31 13:33:38 GMT) VALID +2.0 >>>>>> Brain here! To start - I know you wonder what the verse is That could cause our android friend to utter curses: "In search of lost time" My watch fell from my wrist, Plastic straps! I knew I should have had leather Only when what we had has gone is it missed, Now - mostly armless - I cannot wear another. Our journey here took longer than I thought; we only just arrived on planet Purgatory today (Stardate 3048:440 (!)). We must have taken the scenic route (though it was hard to tell with my shades on). Alvin, pedant that he is, has just persuaded the gaoler that (as a robot) he was never alive - and so must be dead. And that - since he is dead and I am his brain - I must be dead too. Thus we have just been freed (after paying our last megacredits into the penal kitty). There are times when Alvin's logical approach to life comes in quite handy! So no sooner have we arrived on this dreary planet, than we are about to leave it. Having no more money, we are planning to slip aboard a freighter bound from here (-4,0) to Pangloss (-3,-1) - which I hear is the best of all possible worlds - as stowaways. I was never very good at maths (see my last estimate!), but I reckon the jump should take about 7 months (ie 700 days). Alvin's next two posts (which I think must have got lost in the mail - he sent them ages ago!) will complete the story of our incarceration on the prison ship. What fun we had! So much so, that I will include brief poetic summaries of the best bits of his posts in my next two, too. >>>>>> Validity: VALID. Style: To be perfectly candide, I like the imposition of a sequential disjoint between the travelogues of our two fellow-travelers. The self-imposed poesy requirement is a nice touch as well. STYLE +2.0 >>>>> Rule 129:16 (Jesse Welton, 2000-02-03 22:06:39 GMT) INVALID +1.5 >>>> > >Stardate 3047:000. We arrived on Windowsill today. Of all days, why >must it have been New Year's day? The entire planet is celebrating, >with Cross-Garlic Chuckle Boosters filling every cup, shoe, and >indented forehead. There's not a drop of tea available. Pitty. > >Our captors are allowing us to join the party for a few days. I'm >positively positive it will be a dreadful time, though Brain seems to >be enjoying it. He can't even be bothered to write in his log. I've >always thought that after reaching one's destination, one should write >an entry in one's travel log before beginning one's next journey, as I >always do, but he never does. > >It looks as though we're due for another two jumps. Apparently, there >is no direct stargate from here to Purgatory, because Purgatory (-4,0) >is linked with Towellon (-4,2), making a direct link to here >impossible. > >I should close here. The party's getting pretty wild, and I have to >keep an eye on Brain. It looks like he's beginning to have a >dangerous amount of fun. > >-Alvin, the Malcontented Cyborg > >P.S. All stargates out of Purgatory require one to have a silver >tongue. While I, being metal, naturally have one, I fear Brain might >not be able to obtain one. If we are to escape, we may therefore have >to do so when we arrive on Bleem, on or about Mid-Years day, and >before we are shipped to Purgatory. Hopefully, I will be able to >think of a brilliant escape strategy by then. > >>>> Validity: Alvin states that he always writes an entry in his log (i.e., submits a rule) between reaching one destination and departing for the next, but that Brain "never does." In 129:15, however, Brain states: "Our journey here took longer than I thought; we only just arrived on planet Purgatory today [...] So no sooner have we arrived on this dreary planet, than we are about to leave it," which clearly places this entry between the end of his journey to Purgatory, and the beginning of his journey onward. Try as I might, I can't interpret Alvin's words in a way which does not conflict with this. INVALID. Style: Would've been an interesting restriction on both remaining players if it hadn't been contradicted by the previous rule. The postscript continues the pleasing trend of throwing in interesting bits which the next rulemaker must work into the storyline. STYLE +1.5. -- Rule Date: 2000-02-06 23:52:39 GMT