Some Questions

"Author?" said Exotica. The others sometimes struggled with fourth wall breaking, but she had taken it like a duck to water, which in some threads she was. "Well, I don't know. I'm still thinking about that. I know some of us have a pretty consistent sexual orientation across different threads. Astra, you're usually bisexual, at least with this writer, because you're an Amazon warrior princess, and this is 2016--"

"Wasn't it 2007 two episodes ago?" said Bimbo.

"This is a private conversation, if we can be alone for a moment." Astra glared at the hobbit lawyer, who skittered away.

"Anyway," said Exotica, "others of us vary a lot in different threads. So I really don't know yet. Fred, how do you feel about that?"

"I love Astra," he said. "And I'll be by her side no matter what. If I can have you as well, I'd surely be pleased by that, but I want whatever is best for the both of you."

"Good," said Astra. "Now, Fred, I have something to ask you. I may be interested in other men as well. So I just want to be sure--are you bisexual?"

"I... I..." Fred stammered. "I've never asked myself that before."

"That makes sense. There hasn't been a lot of opportunity for you to explore that," said Exotica. "Most of the other characters you interact with meaningfully are women. Well, there's the Dragon, but I don't think this site is ready for quite that level of--"

"Rrrrgh," said Fred. "Graaaah."

"I think you broke him, dear," said Astra.

"Oh. Sorry," said Exotica.

"...never mind," said Fred. "The answer is, I don't know."

"I think I remember some episodes where you were," said Exotica.

"That was Lots42! Those episodes don't count. He's made us do all kinds of things. He made me give birth to a monkey!"

"All right," said Astra. "So we'll all need more time to sort this out."

"I don't know how I feel anymore," said Fred. "This isn't the life I imagined for myself. I used to know who I was and what I was meant to be. I was a Dragonslayer, a knight of the Great Kingdom, a son of the House D'Honaire. I would marry and pass on the line, like my father before me, and--"

Astra squeezed him tightly. "This isn't what I imagined, either," she said. "But we're not on the same world."

"Or in the same story," said Exotica.

"That's a point," said Fred. "But what are we going to do with our lives now?"

"Well," said Astra, "we could always look for another quest."

"That's a good idea," said Exotica. "It could lead us to some kind of epiphany that could help us resolve all our issues!"

1. Exotica finds a quest for them on Craigslist.
2. "Actually," said Bimbo, poking his head back into the room, "there's something I could use your help with."
3. A cosmic being overhears them and yanks them through time and space to serve its own quest.
4. Lots42 himself intervenes somehow.

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