Nearly Certain Death by Needles - A Fred and Sancho Story

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 93025

The Mountain pass of Nearly Certain Death by Needles is legendarily dangerous. The mighty Sir Alfred Neeglebogger, who defeated dragons whilst playing sudoku, was punctured over five hundred times while attempting to cross it. The esteemable Grand Wizard Belboz VI (distant relation), whose magic power dwarfs the might of the most powerful fell giant, died an oversized pin-cushion mid-way along its path. Many would say, why not take the Comfortable Path of Leisurely Strolling, a mere one mile to the east?

Because eff that, that's why! Lord Fred is not going to wuss out with some easy way out, no sir! Nearly certain death or nothing, that's what he always says. Sancho sighs noisily.

"But my Lord," he says, "the Comfortable Path comes with free full body massage, and we both know how much you love those!"

Lord Fred chuckles, and gives Sancho a friendly slap on the back (which tumbles him into the mud, painfully). "Ah, but Sancho I have you for my rubdowns, I do not need the Luscious Ladies of the Comfortable Path! Now, quit laying about in the mud and let's get a move on. I think we can ge-" and then Lord Fred lets forth a massive fart.

"Ah!" says Lord Fred "First, I must go and take care of my bodily functions. Help me shed my armor." A loud gurgle is heard. "Quickly, Sancho, the spoiled milk and rotten egg I had for breakfast is not agreeing with me. "

Gagging on the stench, Sancho helps Lord Fred out of his armor. Lord Fred then goes forward, for some privacy, into the mountain pass. "But my lord," exclaims Sancho, "it is not sa.. I mean carry on, my Lord!"

Lord Fred does indeed carry on, having to go numbers one, two, and three at the same time. Not to put too fine a point on it, he goes number one and two at the same time, and it smells so badly he has to vomit, so a symphony of vile sounds is heard by Sancho, a ways back from the pass. "URGHLLLFFF!" vomits Fred, "oh by the nine heads of Cthfflbllrmmmmmmugghhhhhh," and so on.

Sancho continues retreating away from the path, to evade the smell, which is so powerful that the horses have passed out. Then, a blood curdling scream is heard. "AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Then, nothing but silence.

What has happened to Fred?!

  1. Needles, thousands of them. Sancho discovers the body.
  2. Needles, one of them. It is, however, in a sensitive spot. Fred has passed out in his.. um... stuff.
  3. Fred saw a needle out of the corner of his eye and passed out. He is scared of needles.
  4. Nothing, Fred is cleaning up. That is how he finishes every refreshing bm.

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Lord Reaibn Daenorth

3/17/2011 7:49:04 AM

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