Absorbent and Porous and Yellow is He!

Yes, it's ex-president Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon, temporarily breaking his illuminati cover to say a few words over the funeral of his good friend and former CREEP member, Scott Chen.

He steps behind the podium, grips it silently, and takes a deep breath...

1. "Alas, poor Scott," he begins. "I knew him well..."
2. He proceeds to deliver a touching, deeply moving eulogy.
3. He proceeds to deliver a hackneyed, disinterested eulogy.
4. He proceeds to deliver a rambling, hallucinatory, psychotic rant that may or may not have anything to do with Scott, or with reality, for that matter.
5. DRUM SOLO!!!
6. Before he can speak, he's assassinated by a member of the Klown Kollective.
7. Nobody much cares, though some of them try their best.
8. Something else equally insane.

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