When Belboz Wakes Up

Fred looked around the cavern. "Stress? You mean like danger? I don't see any danger here."

"No danger?" Belboz replied. "You asked me to come up with a spell to kill the Dragon!" Even just the thought of it now made Belboz' heart go a-flutter and his eyes begin to glaze over. SLAP! "Here now!" Fred barked, "don't go be doing that again!" Belboz shook his head and rubbed his cheek where Fred had slapped him. And then grumbled something under his breath.

"So what's so scary about killing the Dragon with a bloomin' magic spell?" Fred asked as if it were the easiest thing in the world to do.

"If you think it's so much fun," Belboz politely suggested, "why don't you kill it with your bloomin' sword? That is your job isn't it?"

"Here now, you callin' me a fraidy cat?" Fred asked, his face growing dark.

"Fraid so," Belboz smirked.

And then Fred unsheathed his sword and took a step toward the wizard. "NOBODY calls me a fraidy cat!" Belboz looked like he was about to faint again. And then Fred suddenly froze. But it wasn't because he had stepped into some magical field or come up against a magical shield or even been magically frozen by a handful of magical ice sprinkles gathered up in the magical Caves of Ch'ill out on the magical Plane of Brrrr. Nope, it wasn't because of any of that. It was because something had just crawled up his pants and was heading at full speed toward his crotchmail.

"If I were you," Belboz smiled smugly, seeing that he now had the upper hand, "I'd put that sword back into your belt. If you don't, well, you weren't planning on having any children were you?"

Fred put the sword back into its sheath. "Uhm, yes, uh, I see your point." And in fact he did, or rather he felt the point. Which is to say, he felt something holding onto and slightly squeezing a very sensitive piece of his anatomy. "I, ah, think I need to make an apology here," Fred stammered, "I may have overreacted a wee bit. But I think the two of us could get along quite well if we, uh, started over as it were. Right from scratch. As if none of this had ever happened." Fred's forehead was beading with sweat and he was breathing rather anxiously. Belboz merely stood there enjoying the sight and nodding. "So, uhm, could you, ah, have your, erm, whatever, ahh, OH DAMMIT JUST GET THE DAMN WHATEVER THE DAMN THING IS OUT OF MY DAMN PANTS!!!!"

Belboz giggled gleefully and then clapped his hands. The lights suddenly went out. Belboz quickly clapped again and the lights came back on. And then he clapped his hands three times real quick as he glanced about the room hoping the lights wouldn't go out again. He also made a mental note to change around some of his spell triggers.

Fred looked down as he felt the whatever it was slide down his thigh and plop out of his pant leg just above his boot. When he saw what it was he crinkled his nose in disgust and spit. "That's one ugly frog you got there wizard," he said as he stared at the thing.

"I'm no frog, you bleedin' pisser!" the little thing squeaked at him. And sure enough, it wasn't a frog. It was a five inch tall (around thirteen centimeters for all you blokes from MalBoncton) homunculus. It was green and bumpy and obviously must have been created from parts of a toad. Its name was Klaw.

1. "So," Belboz said and looked around carefully, "about this Dragon business of yours..."

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