There Is No Option 4

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 48326

What an odd place for a Wal-Mart to be! Nevertheless, the place seemed to be doing pretty brisk business. All sorts of freaks and cave-dwelling weirdos were pouring in and out of it’s hallowed halls, carrying with them the booty of capitalism.

Fred felt a strange longing to enter those sacred glass doors, adorned with posters advertising ‘Everyday Low Prices’. But that longing was shadowed by a poignant sense of guilt. After all, he was in the middle of a quest. “Well, I guess I could use another pair of undies since I soiled the pair I’m in when I fought off that elf,” Fred convinced himself. “Or dwarf or whatever the hell it was.”

That being settled, he marched up to the store, intent on taking advantage of the wide variety of goods that Wal- Mart offered. Truly, these were amazing times. Yea, verily so.

Once inside, Fred couldn’t believe his eyes! This place was huge!

“Can I help you?” a friendly employee who happened to be a six-eyed gnome with a warty face and stunted legs, asked.

Fred felt a little embarrassed. He didn’t want to make it public that he was here for...undies. “Um,” he stammered. “I’m looking for the men’s clothing section.”

“Follow me,” the gnome beckoned him, wobbling forward on his little deformed legs.

Several hours later...

Exhausted and on the verge of collapsing, Fred arrived in the men’s clothing section. “Now what exactly were you looking for?” the overly helpful employee prodded.

Fred scratched his butt and blushed. “Well...uh...”

“C’mon, you can tell me!”

Fred studied his fingernails and shrugged. “Just some...undies.”

The entire store burst into laughter! “UNDIES-BOY! UNDIES-BOY! FRED IS AN UNDIES-BOY!” they all chanted. So Fred smote them dead and defiled their remains. Every last one of them. Every troll, demon, werewolf, dwarf, vampire, turtle, zebra, bat, gargoyle, hamster, liche, zombie, pimp, ho, dork, and cucumber. And then he took the best pair of undies the store offered and changed into them.

HA! Fred is an undies-boy!

  1. As the technology behind dimensional teleportation is a heavily guarded secret, the two explorers are drugged before they undergo the adventure.
  2. That's when the Story Cops arrive.
  3. Saddam Hussein pays Josh a visit and shares a few tips about life in general.
  4. There is no option 4.

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1/9/2005 7:01:06 AM

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