Lord Fred and the Scorpion - An Ennui Story

Lord Fred walked over to the scorpion, and sat down. He then let the thing crawl up his leg. It continued to meander over his body, but did not sting him. "Whatever," said Lord Fred. "I just don't care. I am thirsty, but meh."

The scorpion did in fact grow tired of the Ennui emanating from Lord Fred, and stung him mightily. Thrice it stung him, then crawled off. "The poison burns," said Lord Fred calmly.

After several hours of agony (during which time Lord Fred uttered no whimper, but did lackadaisically comment on the heat, thirst, pain, etc), Lord Fred died.

Lord Fred looked around. He was standing in the desert, but everything looked like he was viewing it through a greenish-blue filter. He could clearly see his own body on the ground. Ahead, there was a small monkey wearing a pinstriped suit and carrying an Ipad 2.

"I don't have all day!" said the monkey, motioning Fred to come nearer. As Fred approaches, the monkey pulls up his file. "Ok, let's see, what have we got here... Frederigo D'Honaire, eldest son of the late Duke Charles D'Honaire, sent on a quest by the King of Allaria to do the one thing his father couldn't - defeat the dragon of the Southern Caves. And... you failed, ended up in this desert, and died of ennui via scorpion. " the monkey sighed and facepalmed.

Lord Fred listened with a dawning realization that he was well and truly dead. What had he been thinking, giving up like that?! It was so unlike him. "Wait, now, I must have been under a sp-" and the monkey interrupted him.

"Under a spell, compulsion, sure, whatever. Look, Fred, you failed in your task and you failed as a person. Sadly, it is true. However, you were noble in heart and the Powers that be kinda like you. For that reason, I need you to choose one of the following scenarios. You will then be able to return to the land of the living. " Fred was then shown a screen with the various scenarios chosen, and told to touch the one he wanted.

Getting over the shock of having this insane demon-tablet put in his hand, Lord Fred made his choice, touched the screen, and vanished from sight. The monkey caught the Ipad 2 as it fell, and chuckled. "His turn in the barrel," he said, with a smirk.

What did Lord Fred choose?

1. Frederigo D'Honaire, pig farmer.
2. Freddie Donair, hair stylist in brooklyn.
3. Jim Johnson, court jester.
4. Tammy Evenforth, heiress.
5. Bob Hoss, town drunk.
6. Count Von Epenveim, evil Lord.
7. Timothy Tims, Tinker
8. Walt Wilbeforth, Royal Gardener
9. Smith Smyth, Smith
10. Something even stupider here.

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