Will the inn keeper live long enough to need to?
Fred punched the man hard in the gut and the inn keeper doubled over. With another quick swipe of his sword, Fred sliced off the man's butt cheeks. By this time, the man's family had come downstairs, they wanted to see what all the fuss was about as well. The first person Fred saw was the man's daughter. She was young and beautiful (her name probably started with an A).
A lecherous gleam sparkled in Fred's eye. But wait! How could Fred even think of deflowering this pretty village lass? It would be dishonorable, it would be villainous, it would be perfect for an Adults Only Interactive Story Site. But if there was one thing Fred knew, it was that this was NOT an Adults Only Interactive Story Site. Besides, Fred thought, the girl hadn't been transformed by an evil dragon bent on world holocaust into a sexy she-vixen and then had her mind bewitched so that she would chase down any man she met and hump him like the brain-dead, sex-toy, lonely-boy's dream girl that some writers seemed to enjoy so much.
Damn! Fred thought after having his first thought, making this his second thought. If only I hadn't been such a lonely child, with only my doggie Lassie as a companion. Then I wouldn't be stuck on girls with bushy tails and red fur!
But then Fred had a third thought (which was pretty impressive for Lord Fred), what if he returned to his quest to find the dragon but brought this girl along because then sooner or later the dragon would find them, chain the girl naked to a wall and introduce them all to a dog name Velus. Or maybe even to a bear named Bruno. Or howabout a duck who called himself Lord Ripples.
Now while Fred was doing all this thinking, the poor inn keeper slowly bled to death. "Papa!" the inn keeper's daughter cried out. Fred was startled out of his deep thinking thoughts and pointed his bloody sword at the frightened girl. "What is your name?" he asked demandingly. "Betsy," she answered. "AHA!" Fred cried, "your name starts with a B! And B is the second letter of the alphabet after A. So that must mean that my life is taking a turn in a new direction. From now on I will meet women by the boatloads and all their names shall begin with B! Belinda, Bertha, Beatrice, Bionca! They'll be mine, all mine!"
9/20/1999 7:48:55 PM
The Never Ending Quest Home
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