Astra's Trial

"Yo! Wassup, homes?" Fred said, dripping Faygo as the clowns approached him.

"It worked!" Shaggy2Dope crowed. "He's now a juggalo like us!"

"What?!" Astra gasped. "What is a Juggalo?"

"A f#cking lunatic!" Fred said, bebopping. "Somebody with a rope tied to his dick... then he jumps out a ten-story window! Oh!"

"Now we just have to take care of this bitchy bitch!" Violent Jay said. "C'mere, bitchie! I'll choke your neck! Bitch!"

The clowns began to manuever toward Astra. They hefted their axes, licked their lips and made strange ululating noises. Fred stood fixed in place, rapping "I want a rusty axe! I wanna know voodoo!"

"Fred!" Astra yelled. "Fred, snap out of it!"

"Too late, bitch! That was Voodoo Faygo #4! Now his soul belongs to the Dark Carnival."

"You, vile clowns!" Astra said, her face hardening. "You will pay in full for your crimes! Lo, I shall be the instrument of your destruction!"

Unexpectedly, Violent Jay flung his hatchet at Astra's neck. Just as unexpectedly, Astra's chainmail began to glow, and a glowing, ethereal old man dressed in coveralls knocked the hatchet aside with his pitchfork. "Rappers!" he said in a thick drawl. "I done hate me some gawddamn rappers, I tell you whut!"

The old man disappeared just as abruptly.

"I told you the chainmail was useful!" Gruber yelled from hiding. "It's Redneck attribute defends against their Gangbanger attribute!"

Astra wasted no time. She leapt toward the dumbfounded juggalos and swung. The magic sword left a beautiful sparkly effect as it flew through the air - and then it shattered into several pieces as it hit Violent Jay.

"Damnation!" Astra swore, jumping back. "Gruber!!"

"Sorry 'bout that!" Gruber yelled, escaping down a side-corridor with a thick sack of money.

"Ha! You can't mess with wicked clowns, bitch!" Shaggy2Dope said. "Violent Jay, bitchslap that ho!"

"I got bugz on shiznack! I got bugz on my shiznack!" Fred was rapping as he frothed at the mouth, his eyes blank.

1. Crouched like a cat, Astra desperately tried to think of a plan, as the two horny, drunken juggalos bore down upon her.

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