God's Lack Of Self-Confidence

"Oh my God, please help me!" the flaming St. Peter cried. Fred did not waste any time; he filled his helmet with water from the Pearly Fountain (right next to the Pearly Gates) and quickly put out the flames encrusting St. Peter.

"Thank you," he said, "but I didn't really need your help. I was calling for God, you know, he might be a little upset because he didn't get to do the rescuing. You see, I do this every day. I set myself on fire, he comes to rescue me."

"But why?" Fred asked.

"There isn't a great deal of catastrophes and world wars around anymore. This is just a way for him to feel like he's still making a difference around here. We don't want a God without self-confidence, you know. If something bad really happened, there wouldn't be anyone around to fix it.

"Why don't you ask him to kill the dragon, then?" Fred asked.

"That's a great idea!" St. Peter burst out. "I'll go see him." And with that he floated away.
A couple of seconds later, he returned. "He's a little upset about you saving me instead of him," he said. "But he's agreed to help you on your quest." He gave Fred a long, golden spear, embroided with thin silver threads that shined like the sun and the moon.

"Will you accept the mission?" St. Peter asked.

1. "Yes."
2. "Yes, but I will not bring that ugly spear with me."
3. "No."

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