The Lost Episode
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 29061
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Fred bumbled around in a labyrinth of mazes for quite some time. It was
dark in the caves (Fred had forgotten a torch), so they were being
entirely guided by Velus’ acute sense of smell. Unfortunately, many of
the smells were unfamiliar to Velus, and he got Fred lost several times.
Eventually Fred was pretty sick of this. He let Velus retrace his steps back from a dead end, and just sat down in a dead end and started to cry. This was a most unmanly thing to do, so Fred became embarrassed and yelled out for a dragon to come out so he could die like a man instead of cowering in a corner. It was at this point that something unexpected happened. The creature that appeared in front of Fred was about his size, though significantly thinner and with blue skin, burning white eyes, and no hair. "You have summoned me, O wise one?" "Please, call me Fred. And who are you?" "I am a member of the Dread Red Alien Guild of Olsan Nine. DRAGON, you see. Some worlds confuse the Red and the Alien, and some forget either the Red or the Alien part, so we get called DARGONs, DAGONs, and DRGONs, though that last one is particularly annoying. Anyway, Fred, since you summoned me, are you willing to destory this world?" "Are you sure you don’t mean destroy?" "Perfectly sure. You see, those that summon us are generally upset with the fantasy world they live in. We come by and remove or edit parts of the lore of those worlds so that the end product is completely unrecognizable. De-storying, you see. Then, the wise ones who call us pay us a handsome price, and we go on our way, and they go on to create history as they want it, and those that can create history can create the present and the future. We typically end up serving evil megalomaniacs but if that's where the job is, we'll take it." "Well, er, I’m not that megalomanaical, nor am I that rich--" "That is in this world. Once you change the history, you can come up with any currency you like. You see, the planet Olsan Nine is overcrowded. Natural resources are limited, and most of the population goes hungry. It’s a dismal planet, really. So we take our anger out on other planets, finding those who are disgruntled with their history and allowing them to de-story it. It’s not a great job, and I feel kind of bad helping all these evil organisms out, but it puts food on the table." "So why can’t you change your own homeworld?" "Everyone in the Dread Red Alien Guild of Olsan Nine has this power to de- story. If anyone concentrated his or her power on the planet, the others would immediately perceive something amiss and concentrate their power on returning it to its normal state." "I guess I'm willing to destory this world." "Good! Now, what do you want to change?" "Well, first, there was this really annoying teenager named Velus, who was one of King Emry’s spies. He spied on me the whole time I was in the cave and it was uncomfortable. I want him dead!" "No can do. Rule number one of the DRAGON code: killing of anyone who is not already dead is forbidden." "Well, then, just change him into a tiny dog, will you?" "Okay, one tiny dog coming right up!" Velus had been running back to the castle to inform King Emry that Fred had indeed entered the caves when he felt the transformation begin. By the time he got to the castle, he could only yip. Luckily for King Emry, he was able to work out a system of yes and no based on barks. "You realize that changing Velus into a dog will mean that he started as a dog, and your only memories of him will be of him as a dog? Additionally, any episodes in which he spied on you will contain him as a small dog?" asked the DRAGON. "Yeah, that’s fine. So, next, there’s the daughter of King Emry, Princess Exotica. She snubbed me at one of the dances for all the unmarried lords and ladies, where they dance and their parents make alliances based on who seems to have the best time together. I want her to be, well, I don’t know, how about a duck?" Princess Exotica was in her room when she felt the transformation began. She finally made it down the stairs in her webbed feet and saw her father coaxing information out of a small dog. "Oh! This is so delightfully fun, Fred! In fact, I won’t charge you anything if you’ll let me keep changing people into animals!" "Okay, but I still get to say what happens other than that, and I have the right to order you to reverse the transformation. Anyway, onto my next change. I fell in love with an Aquilarian girl several years ago when my father was on an official visit, and I have never seen a more beautiful woman since. I wish for her to be my loving wife." "Let’s see," mused the DRAGON. "She’s unmarried, so that won’t be a problem. Unfortunately, DRAGON code rule number six hundred twenty-six explicitly forbids anyone from being forced to fall in love with another. However, rule seven thousand two hundred twenty-two, in its currently thrice-amended form, allows the customer to order a restructuring of an organism’s memory. Thus, I can alter her memory so she believes she fell in love with you a long time ago." "That’s fine, then." Astra was chained naked to a wall in the caves when she felt the transformation begin. "Oh well, whatever is happening has got to be better than being chained to that wall." She was quite relieved when she found that the chains were gone and she was standing in front of the handsome Lord Fred, whom she'd had a crush on ever since she was ten. Thus it went on for days, Fred telling the DRAGON what to change, and the DRAGON taking free time to change people into animals. Fred granted himself the power to change into mechanical objects whenever he wished it, and he used this power to kill many knights who were sent to rid the area of this magic. Finally, the king had had enough of this. He directed his entire army to the caves. Fred, who had by this time created a network of animal spies, knew immediately what was going on. He changed the troops into various pieces of fruit and offered them as a bonus to the DRAGON. He then altered the caves’ appearance so that it appeared that they were in a hut. King Emry and Velus managed to outwit Fred’s network of spies, and they presented themselves at the door of the hut while Fred slept. They forced their way in at knifepoint. When Fred awoke, King Emry and Velus were in his room. He asked the DRAGON who let them in. The DRAGON replied that he did. Fred then ordered the episode in which the DRAGON let them in to be rewritten. Unfortunately, all the DRAGON could do was make the episode completely unreadable. Fred saw the previous episode, but he found it exceptionally funny and decided to let it stand, except for a couple of options that needed to be reworked so Fred didn't seem as evil as he was truly becoming. Fred then saw this episode and asked the DRAGON to rewrite it. He could do little more than place it chronologically out of order. His powers seemed to be slipping...
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unknown adventurer
4/29/2004 5:46:54 PM
Extending Enabled
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