As Fred pondered his current situation, he found the ground sinking beneath his feet. "Oh dear," he stated as he felt himself going lower and lower, "quicksand!"
"Um...not exactly," said a disembodied voice, surprising Fred, who would have jumped if he weren't knee deep in the ground.
"Who said that? Show yourself!" demanded Fred.
"Hello, Fred. I am The Programmer, and you have stumbled upon Episode 2000."
"Programmer? Episode? I understand not these terms!" shouted Fred.
"Fred, you live inside a computer...a mechanical calculating machine if you will. You came into being when I wrote a program that would create you, your world, and the resulting situations thereof."
"God?" asked Fred.
"Nah," said The Programmer, "unless your idea of God is a 35 year old man who still lives with his parents, and has never kissed a girl."
"Why have you come to me?" Fred queried.
"Well, you see, I made a mistake. I never expected the epsisodes in your life to go past 1999. As such, the program is unequipped to roll-over to 2000 and the world as you know it is collapsing around it."
"Will I die?" asked Fred in a quivering voice.
"Much much worse," said The Programmer, "you will cease to exist at all!"
"Well then, do something!" shouted Fred.
8/31/1999 3:01:25 PM
The Never Ending Quest Home
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